The United Larpers of Balkede is a mammoth, safe nation, ruled by IDKSterling with an iron fist, and remarkable for its ban on automobiles, frequent executions, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical, cheerful population of 5.971 billion Balkedans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Environment, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Agartha. The average income tax rate is 84.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Balkedan economy, worth 444 trillion phonks a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is mostly comprised of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 74,378 phonks, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Children are often punished for the sins of the fathers, all weapon research has been banned, women who display their ankles are shunned by society, and tourists are kicked out if they express interest in their national sport. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Balkede's national animal is the tomcat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is pure aura.

Balkede is ranked 2,388^th in the world and 1^st in Ninja Pirate Awesome Town for Longest Average Lifespans, with 94.16 years.