The Eternal Misfortune of Xynlandia is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by some random guy with an iron fist, and notable for its compulsory military service, flagrant waste-dumping, and fear of technology. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 20.129 billion Xynlandians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Law & Order is also considered important, while Education and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of XXXX. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Xynlandian economy, worth an astonishing 13,176 trillion Xyniums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is a breathtaking 654,623 Xyniums, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Officer recruitment and police brutality have reached an all-time high, birds and children's kites are regularly brought down by anti-aircraft fire, napalm is the tool of choice for disabling eco-unfriendly forestry operations, and Maxtopians are both starving and giddy after the Xynlandian military unleashed its biological weapons. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force. Xynlandia's national animal is the Xylophone, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is the best religion.

Xynlandia is ranked 285,854^th in the world and 37^th in Pencil Sharpeners Puppet Storage for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 0.61 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.