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Time to go to war for like the 5'th time!
The Issue
A spectacular but failed attempt on your life made national news today. Interrogation of captured suspects has pinned the blame on agents of the nation of Blackacre, with which Vandoosa has notoriously chilly relations. Your cabinet is divided as to how to respond.
The Debate
"Assassins, huh? Well, two can play at that game!" says Warren McCue, your chief military adviser. "An eye for an eye! A tooth for a tooth! An assassination for a... missed shot, I suppose. Never mind that, think of the possibilities! Not only can we strike back at the scumbags who sent this assassin after you, we can turn our attention to... 'manipulating' the positions of foreign leaders and political rivals that stand in the way of Vandoosa's glory." He then points two fingers at the wall and mouths 'bang bang' noises.
"Sending assassins to avenge you isn't enough!" argues hawkish talk-show host, Bill Suzuki. "The fact that Blackacre is this bold means we haven’t made them fear us yet - and a nation that isn’t feared isn’t respected. We need to do the only thing we CAN do: bomb their cities! Raise a revolution! Salt their fields! It may cost money, but our nation’s honor is priceless."
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.
"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" says the muffled voice of Wil Obama, an anti-violence protestor who was, until now, hiding in your air vents. "By building up our military-industrial complex, WE have become the aggressor. WE are giving nations like Blackacre good reasons to hate us! No wonder they tried to kill you - we aren't giving them enough breathing room. If we cut back our military a bit and sent them a fruit basket now and then these problems would never happen."
YAY! Jinx joined us!
Least Corrupt Government in Iwaku, woop!
Vandoosa is ranked 1st in Glorious Nations of Iwaku and 11,841st in the world for Most Influential, scoring 32 on the Soft Power Disbursement Rating. <-- yes! I like that one!
I'm ranked 18. Not bad....
YAY! We did stuff!
Vandoosa is ranked 1st in Glorious Nations of Iwaku and 5,750th in the world for Most Subsidized Industry, scoring 60 on the Gilded Widget Scale.
This Issue was funny!
The Issue
A man by the name of &%*\@# Smith hit the headlines yesterday when he had his first name legally changed to 'John', citing the ridicule and stress he suffered because of his given name. Mr Smith publicly commented afterwards that there should be more restrictions on what parents can name their children.
The Debate
"People do so love to be different," says Insert Name Here, with a heavy sigh. "I don't know what my folks were thinking when they named me. Probably about how 'novel' and 'with it' they were being, but I didn't get a say in it did I? Growing up in my neighbourhood with the first name 'Insert' wasn't fun at all I can tell you! The government should set up a registry of recognised names that are clean, sensible, and non-teasable. Kids deserve better."
This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.
"It's none of the government's business what I name my daughter," says Follicle Rainbow Gooseknob, cradling [expletive deleted] in her arms. "Are you going to tell us what to think next? Where to go? Who to love? I don't want some grey-faced bureaucrat deciding what name is appropriate for my child! What kind of country hates personal freedom so much you can't even choose your own name?"
"Names? Names are so inefficient!" Says Five-Oh-Three McGoohan, counting beads. "Who can honestly tell one Chastity Plath from another? That name's so popular now, I met three people at the mall with it just last week! Face it! Names are old-hat! Everyone ought to go by a government-allocated ID number instead, much more practical. Who could make fun of a child named Six-Eight-Four?"
Father knows best states all ways have better safety from any sort of crime!
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