The Disputed Territories of Ump38 is a colossal, orderly nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, disturbing lack of elderly people, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 6.84 billion Ump38ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Industry. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 71.4%.

The frighteningly efficient Ump38ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,412 trillion Euros a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 206,512 Euros, with the richest citizens earning 6.8 times as much as the poorest.

Election ballot papers are so long that unused ones are recycled as toilet roll, TV shows must meet strict ethnicity quotas, politicians who vacation in East Lebatuck lose their jobs upon their return, and the government has officially clarified that "wee on your hands to save time" does not count as proper hygiene. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ump38's national animal is the Eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution.

Ump38 is ranked 11,570^th in the world and 597^th in Lazarus for Most Subsidized Industry, scoring 9,152.86 on the Gilded Widget Scale.