The Holy Empire of Totern is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Lord Stabler with an even hand, and renowned for its deadly medical pandemics, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 15.829 billion Toternians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The relatively small, corrupt, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Jandi. The average income tax rate is 43.0%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Toternian economy, worth a remarkable 3,992 trillion Tots a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 252,207 Tots, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The moral worth of national allies is judged by their GDP, city sidewalks are crowded with overweight people, Toternians seem to be catching more chills, and a flying elephant and Lord Stabler share the same nickname. Crime is totally unknown. Totern's national animal is the Hippopotamus, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Catholicism.

Totern is ranked 16,829^th in the world and 1,030^th in Lazarus for Highest Food Quality, scoring 127.94 on the Meeshlin-Starr Index.