The Kinger of Tilonian is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by President Richard Kilbolt with an iron fist, and renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, infamous sell-swords, and parental licensing program. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 3.078 billion Tilonianites are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Saint Eaglewhite. The average income tax rate is 81.5%.

The frighteningly efficient Tilonianian economy, worth 562 trillion Tiloian Dollars a year, is mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Uranium Mining, Retail, Basket Weaving, and Automobile Manufacturing. Average income is an impressive 182,627 Tiloian Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.8 times as much as the poorest.

The fattest folk in Tilonian look to be the happiest ones, official government guidance encourages binge behaviors, Eau de Trashcan has become a wildly popular perfume, and once-vitriolic celebrity chefs are now known for giving encouraging hugs to aspiring cooks. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tilonian's national animal is the Whiteheaded Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Christianity.

Tilonian is ranked 278,339^th in the world and 10^th in Vulture of War for Safest, scoring 5.78 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.