The Constitutional Monarchy of Thorn309 is a massive, orderly nation, renowned for its frequent executions, ritual sacrifices, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 3.313 billion Thorn309ians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 66.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Thorn309ian economy, worth 376 trillion Platinums a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Automobile Manufacturing, and Trout Farming. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 113,718 Platinums, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Weather forecasts are accurate but nobody has the bandwidth to view them, unpopular cops are fired at a moment's notice by the citizens they police, enemy combatants are presumed guilty until proven innocent, and it's not only teenagers who mess around with fake IDs. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Thorn309's national animal is the Cat.

Thorn309 is ranked 106,436^th in the world and 2,298^th in Suspicious for Highest Foreign Aid Spending, scoring 192.66 on the Clooney Contribution Index.