The Confederacy of Tealville is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, remarkable for its ritual sacrifices, compulsory military service, and zero percent divorce rate. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 10.781 billion Tealvilleans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 48.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Tealvillean economy, worth a remarkable 1,609 trillion kronor a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Information Technology. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 149,253 kronor, with the richest citizens earning 7.9 times as much as the poorest.

The volume of paperwork used to complete a single environmental assessment defeats the purpose, the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms, the nation's politicians are acknowledged as the most polite in the region to the dismay of comedians everywhere, and collisions between bicycles and carnival floats are on the rise. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tealville's national animal is the wolf, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Tealville is ranked 99,679^th in the world and 4,747^th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 66 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.