The Most Serene Republic of Snailland is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by His Serene Excellency Smooshyface with an even hand, and notable for its parental licensing program, daily referendums, and state-planned economy. The compassionate, devout population of 16.445 billion Snaillandians are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Shell. The average income tax rate is 95.2%.

The all-consuming Snaillandian economy, worth a remarkable 1,630 trillion Golden Corn Kernels a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is extremely specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with significant contributions from Cheese Exports. Average income is 99,175 Golden Corn Kernels, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Songwriters compete to see who can come up with the most blasphemous lyrics, there's nothing special about His Serene Excellency Smooshyface, when shaking hands with foreign leaders His Serene Excellency Smooshyface wears an armoured gauntlet, and mantis shrimp studies is academia's fastest-growing field. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Snailland's national animal is the Snail, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Gardening.

Snailland is ranked 37,576^th in the world and 2,197^th in Lazarus for Most Subsidized Industry, scoring 4,908.29 on the Gilded Widget Scale.