The United States of Printer963 is a colossal, efficient nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, pith helmet sales, and compulsory vegetarianism. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 5.41 billion Printer963ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Industry. The average income tax rate is 90.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Printer963ian economy, worth 755 trillion cards a year, is dominated by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 139,712 cards, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.3 times as much as the poorest.

Electricity company executives pray nightly to Zeus and Thor, citizens are now allowed to discuss whether Leader is the greatest ruler ever or simply the greatest ruler of this generation, scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new, and in musicals everybody's a little bit racist. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Printer963's national animal is the legendary, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Printer963 is ranked 270,163^rd in the world and 734^th in Two for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 38.55 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.