The United States of Printer913 is a colossal, cultured nation, remarkable for its pith helmet sales, free-roaming dinosaurs, and complete lack of prisons. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 5.412 billion Printer913ians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 84.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Printer913ian economy, worth 807 trillion cards a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Woodchip Exports, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 149,167 cards, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Many believe that the only good legendary is a dead legendary, this year's comedy award has left mothers-in-law seething, large-girthed charity workers assign themselves healthy wages for their work with starving children, and government programs are less "written" and more "plagiarised". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Printer913's national animal is the legendary, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Printer913 is ranked 21,056^th in the world and 30^th in Two for Safest, scoring 113.23 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.