The United States of Printer839 is a colossal, efficient nation, notable for its aversion to nipples, compulsory vegetarianism, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 5.39 billion Printer839ians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Education. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 87.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Printer839ian economy, worth 832 trillion cards a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Information Technology. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 154,487 cards, with the richest citizens earning 6.0 times as much as the poorest.

The government has pledged that not one drop of its citizens' blood will be spilt, recent protests against birds flying too low have resulted in bloodshed, advert breaks are played at lower volumes to make them easier to ignore, and the government is overcome with ennui. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Printer839's national animal is the legendary, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Printer839 is ranked 276,054^th in the world and 1,664^th in Two for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 34.19 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.