The Hordes of Pamirs is a gargantuan, cultured nation, notable for its national health service, ubiquitous missile silos, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 30.984 billion Pamirsians enjoy some of the most opulent lifestyles in the region, unless they are unemployed or working-class, in which case they are variously starving to death or crippled by easily preventable diseases.

The minute, corrupt, liberal, pro-business government, or what there is of one, is solely concerned with Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pamirs. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Pamirsian economy, worth a remarkable 6,495 trillion somonis a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Soda Sales, Gambling, and Retail. Average income is an amazing 209,641 somonis, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,942,167 per year while the poor average 2,160, a ratio of 899 to 1.

Builders spend more time negotiating "tasteful architecture" than on actual construction, cars speed down national highways while drivers sleep at the wheel, the booming slave trade is now government-funded, and computer users are buried daily in thousands of unsolicited emails. Crime, especially youth-related, is all-pervasive, probably because of the absence of a police force. Pamirs's national animal is the lion, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Pamirs is ranked 286,173^rd in the world and 10,962^nd in Balder for Safest, scoring 2.61 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.