The Republic of Mohlakeng is a massive, orderly nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 2.9 billion Mohlakengians enjoy great individual freedoms in everything except elections, which, where they exist at all, are populist shams for a dictatorship government that has no intention of ever giving up power.

The minute, pro-business, well-organized government, or what there is of one, is primarily concerned with Defense, with Law & Order also on the agenda, while International Aid and Spirituality are ignored. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 5.1%.

The strong Mohlakengian economy, worth 159 trillion guilders a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Uranium Mining industry, with significant contributions from Soda Sales, Arms Manufacturing, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Average income is 55,030 guilders, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 354,674 per year while the poor average 3,449, a ratio of 102 to 1.

Crime is a major problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Mohlakeng's national animal is the squirrel, which can occasionally be seen sifting through garbage in the nation's cities.

Mohlakeng is ranked 84,452^nd in the world and 2,818^th in Osiris for Most Primitive, scoring 23.45 on the Scary Big Number Scale.