The Kingdom of Bortavia is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Disputed with an even hand, and renowned for its zero percent divorce rate, free-roaming dinosaurs, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed population of 7.01 billion Bortavians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The large, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Farvon. The average income tax rate is 67.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Bortavian economy, worth 415 trillion Bortavian Rublias a year, is quite specialized and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Retail, and Trout Farming. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 59,250 Bortavian Rublias, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The colors pink and purple are banned from military unit insignia, politicians are forced to wear portable lie detectors at all times, napalm is the tool of choice for disabling eco-unfriendly forestry operations, and children who believe in the tooth fairy are frequently shipped off to Bigtopia. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Bortavia's national animal is the Old Oax, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Verdigrisism.

Bortavia is ranked 86,083^rd in the world and 85^th in Barbaria for Most Corrupt Governments, with 18.77 kickbacks per hour.