The Good ol'Rubbing Imperium of Ainsleyia is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by HGRAM Imperator Ainsley I with an iron fist, and renowned for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The cynical population of 11.269 billion Ainsleyians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ainsleyitoria. The average income tax rate is 84.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Ainsley economy, worth a remarkable 1,082 trillion ainsleys a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 96,103 ainsleys, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Jabbing a baby's bottle at officials gets parents waved straight through immigration, the military has forsaken terrestrial warfare, popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs, and cults that offer eternal life after death to those who follow a self-sacrificing saviour are frowned upon. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ainsleyia's national animal is the ainsley, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is The Holy Temple of Saint Ainsley.

Ainsleyia is ranked 17,091^st in the world and 1,004^th in Lazarus for Most Cultured, scoring 97 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.