The Exsteme Englishløving Nåtiön of Vartugia is a titanic, safe nation, ruled by a crazy leader with an iron fist, and notable for its public floggings, enslaved workforce, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 23.739 billion Vartugians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Mönkav. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 93.0%.

The all-consuming Vartugian economy, worth a remarkable 3,073 trillion leids a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Woodchip Exports, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 129,466 leids, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 591,889 per year while the poor average 17,247, a ratio of 34.3 to 1.

A crazy leader's former secretary was last sighted on her new yacht, school plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment, political activists are routinely executed, and concussed eagleball players cannot remember their lineup position. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Vartugia's national animal is the eagle, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is something.

Vartugia is ranked 301,359^th in the world and 5^th in absolute stupidity for Highest Drug Use, scoring 7.29 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.