The Very Volatile Vampire of Valtarre is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by The Vampire King with an iron fist, and renowned for its public floggings, parental licensing program, and ban on automobiles. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 24.574 billion victims are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Spirituality, Environment, and Industry are also considered important, while Education receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Hideout. The average income tax rate is 66.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The large but underdeveloped malicious economy, worth 540 trillion blood drops a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, highly specialized black market in Arms Manufacturing, Retail, and Cheese Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 21,978 blood drops, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour, rural citizens live in terror of their local village constable, the church encourages double-dipping, and shelters struggle to keep up with the endless intake of stray animals. Crime, especially youth-related, is well under control, thanks to a well-funded police force. Valtarre's national animal is the target, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Valtarre is ranked 744^th in the world and 2^nd in The Brotherhood of Malice for Most Primitive, scoring 288.21 on the Scary Big Number Scale.