The Directorate of Valkalan is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Director Vikko with an even hand, and renowned for its otherworldly petting zoo, ubiquitous missile silos, and labour-free parental leave. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 34.842 billion Valks are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Ravingard. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Valk economy, worth an astonishing 27,635 trillion Syns a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Arms Manufacturing, and Uranium Mining. Average income is a breathtaking 793,161 Syns, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 3,577,248 per year while the poor average 108,297, a ratio of 33.0 to 1.

A weakened police force struggles to maintain law and order, basketball players are sick and tired of the court, broken suspension systems are giving auto repair shops plenty of business, and Valk doors require a Ph.D. to open. Crime is totally unknown. Valkalan's national animal is the Orca, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to heavy metals seepage into national waterways.

Valkalan is ranked 14,233^rd in the world and 1^st in Zarathustra for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring 7,092.16 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.