The United Socialist States of Tulov is a titanic, safe nation, ruled by Arkady Rossovich with a fair hand, and renowned for its otherworldly petting zoo, rampant corporate plagiarism, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 20.404 billion Tulovians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Tula. The average income tax rate is 79.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Tulovian economy, worth a remarkable 4,059 trillion Tulovian Rubles a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Retail. Average income is an impressive 198,965 Tulovian Rubles, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.7 times as much as the poorest.

Pension obligations are building, unemployed accountants keep double-entry ledgers of their benefit claims, coffee cups have grown in size to accommodate the huge ingredients list, and meals are now followed by thirty minutes of mandatory exercise. Crime is totally unknown. Tulov's national animal is the Blackbird, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is State Atheism.

Tulov is ranked 1,347^th in the world and 1^st in TNP for Rudest Citizens, with 362.17 insults per minute.