The United Socialist States of Tsalkvalknov is a massive, safe nation, remarkable for its frequent executions, keen interest in outer space, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 1.837 billion Tslavs are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Столйцолнов. The average income tax rate is 64.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Tslavic economy, worth 109 trillion Оваs a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Pizza Delivery, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Average income is 59,515 Оваs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

It is a crime to operate a combine harvester while intoxicated, travel bureaus double as recruiting centers for national intelligence agencies, sexuality-questioning teenagers are placed in locked rooms with dirty magazines and lewd posters, and trolls insist that strings of racial slurs mean "good morning" in obscure languages. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tsalkvalknov's national animal is the Doubleheaded Gold Eagle.

Tsalkvalknov is ranked 147,409^th in the world and 795^th in the Plains of Perdition for Most Developed, scoring 55.77 on the Human Development Index.