The Bureaucracy of The Crayfish of The Unified Missourtama States is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by TUMS with an iron fist, and notable for its public floggings, fear of technology, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, cynical, humorless population of 11.187 billion Missourtaman are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of a clean and flowing brook. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Missourtaman economy, worth a remarkable 2,289 trillion crayfish conservation credits a year, is driven almost entirely by government activity, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is mostly comprised of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, although the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 204,653 crayfish conservation credits, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Groups of government workers are declared protected tribes if they venture too deep into the Capitol, Maxtopian villagers starve by the time Missourtaman officials even file the appropriate paperwork needed to help them, TUMS is described as an everyday person with normal tastes and the usual interests, and neighbourhood gossips whip up controversy about those receiving adult merchandise. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Unified Missourtama States's national animal is the astounding variety of crayfish, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is amazement at the diversity of crayfish.

The Unified Missourtama States is ranked 268^th in the world and 1^st in TUMS for Most Developed, scoring 99.68 on the Human Development Index.