The Caffeinated Confederation of Statesburg is a mammoth, cultured nation, ruled by Head Comrade Boston O'Cannon with a fair hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, smutty television, and keen interest in outer space. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful population of 6.823 billion Statesburgi are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Citystadt. The average income tax rate is 98.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Statesburgonian economy, worth a remarkable 1,307 trillion proletarivouchers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 191,685 proletarivouchers, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

School football matches are usually five-a-side, bemused citizens are encouraged to sing foreign-language hymns of religions they have never heard of, interest in globalism never flags, and death is nobody's business. Crime is totally unknown. Statesburg's national animal is the nēnē, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is The Church of Correctly Used Apostrophes.

Statesburg is ranked 305,931^st in the world and 36^th in Libertarian Socialist Confederation for Most Advanced Defense Forces, scoring -28.46 on the Total War Preparedness Rating.