The Matriarchy of Schmiddle Earth is a tiny, genial nation, renowned for its rampant corporate plagiarism, irreverence towards religion, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 14 million Schmidletts are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The medium-sized, liberal, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 29.6%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The developing Schmiddle Earthian economy, worth 405 billion Bones a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient black market in Trout Farming, Pizza Delivery, Gambling, and Beef-Based Agriculture. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 28,974 Bones, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The "Underwear of Women in Power" issue of The Schmiddle Earth City Times is sold out, it is technically inaccurate to call the dead 'worm food', vegetables are crisper thanks to CRISPR, and seats at the back of the bus are reserved for homosexuals. Crime is totally unknown. Schmiddle Earth's national animal is the Fag.

Schmiddle Earth is ranked 247,861^st in the world and 7^th in Vaagot Land for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring -5.74 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.