The Benevolent Fist of Scardino is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Comrade General Fedele Fantoccini with an iron fist, and renowned for its strictly enforced bedtime, punitive income tax rates, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 22.906 billion Scardinoans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, although Spirituality, Industry, and Education are also considered important, while Social Policy and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Poggioreale. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 74.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Scardinoan economy, worth a remarkable 2,256 trillion florins a year, is led by the Door-to-door Insurance Sales industry, with major contributions from Uranium Mining, Furniture Restoration, and Soda Sales. Average income is 98,507 florins, with the richest citizens earning 9.8 times as much as the poorest.

Homeless people dying of starvation are thought to be a necessary cost of preventing terrorism, the vow 'til death do us part' is often taken as an invitation to murder, it is a silent spring in Scardino, and recent events in Dàguó have been classified 'for Comrade General Fedele Fantoccini's eyes only'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Scardino's national animal is the squirrel, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Scardinoism.

Scardino is ranked 67,003^rd in the world and 15^th in Lone Wolves United for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 3,677.15 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.