The Mad Surfer, March 2020

Weather: sunny skies
Water temp: skin temp
Waves: crunchy!

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Senate Elections
March is an active political month, featuring not only the scheduled elections for Lyonesse East and Himes West, but also the added attraction of a special election. Human Sanity is leaving his post as Senior Senator of New Republica South in order to assume the seat as Minister of Labor now that Paffnia has vacated.

And they’re off! No sooner had the Election Board opened its doors than Kuriko (TCP) threw her hat into the ring to run for a second consecutive term as XKI WA Delegate. Her impassioned Candidate Declaration can be found here: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38570/kuriko-re-election-stability-continuity.
NEWSFLASH! Just as we were headed to press, we received this important bulletin, just in the nick of time to provide this big news for our readers. In a surprise move, Hakketomat (TIP) declared his candidacy for Delegate. This fulfills two important roles: it provides Kuriko with an opponent, thus keeping the political process vital; and it gets Hakke’s name in the paper, which we’ve neglected to do the last few months.

As the election for Himes West got off to a start, incumbent Marxist germany (TCP) entered the fray first in a bid for re-election. MG regaled his supporters with a stirring speech: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38585/mg-himes-west.

Lyonesse East: The United Royal Islands of Euramathania (TCP) has announced that she too will be running for office again for a second consecutive term.

New Republica South: A relative newcomer to the local political scene, HN67 (MSPP) was quick to jump in feet first, and stirred the crowd with these words: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38587/hn67-new-republica-south. His opposition will be Dorab, running on behalf of the WIP. Dorab had this speech to offer: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38590/dorab-new-republica-south.

If you haven’t heard enough speechifying at this point, be sure to grill your favorite candidate during these active Delegate/Senate Election Debates, located here: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38581/delegate-senate-election-debates-20.

Always an outspoken advocate of political involvement, TMS finds it encouraging to see the role played by relatively new parties, TCP and WIP. The important thing for citizens of XKI to remember is that is is not only a privilege, but an obligation to VOTE! Maintain your part of the social contract.

Government Officials of 10000 Islands
Last Updated: March 5, 2020

The Council of Nine
Chief Executive: Markanite
Delegate: Kuriko
Minister of Labor: Paffnia
Minister of Immigration: Sargon reman
Minister of Education: The tasmanian islands
Senior Senator for New Republica South: Human Sanity
Senator for Lyonnesse East: The United Royal Islands of Euramathania
Senator for Himes West: Marxist germany
Senator for Blue Canaria North: THX1138

--Deputy Minister of Immigration: Haivon
--Deputy Senator for Himes West: Central Russia

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As the world economic slowdown continues due to the fears of a raging pandemic, 10000 Islanders have hunkered down and started watching their money until the crisis is over. Rather than going to fancy restaurants, they have started visiting fast food restaurants at a much higher rate than normal. For that reason, in February, fast food restaurants have earned a 5,000 taco bonus! Good job, franchise owners!

Mortimer Printout - February 2020:

Economic Outlook
Sector: 3 - Regular Economy
Item: Fast Food Franchise
Bonus: 5,000 ₸
Mitigation: N/A
Adjustment: N/A

Stock Market:
From 01-January-2020 to 31-January-2020
Average Change: +4,956 ₸
Percent Change: 11% - Stocks are growing
Average Dividend (Base/Dividend): (290/320)
The Stock Report in its entirety can be read here: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38524/fast-food-february.

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This month TMS would like to introduce a new staff writer, Dorab, who will be covering Role Play in XKI.

IC: It seems as if every day there is a new alliance or trade pact. Dorab, Krystalveil, and Haivon have entered into Perria Economic Pact. Jabberwocky has also joined the 10000 Islands Free Trade Agreement (XKIFTA) becoming the second member behind Germany. No activity from the 10000 Islands Space Program (XKISP) this month, though the Executive Spokesperson Warris and member Furghas has stated there are plans for more projects this March.

OOC: Senator for Himes West, Marxist germany, has announced the winner for the January National History competition. Congratulations to Libraziland, who won 30,000 of tacos. With Jabberwocky being the only other contestant, we hope more people participate in future events. In other news, Cultural Assistant Krystalveil has announced a new “Gulliver’s Travels” event involving writing and roleplay. All participating nations will be entered into a raffle for the S1 card Independent Planets, a longtime friend of 10000 Islands.

Also, Paffnia has invited public comment regarding the possibility of establishing an NS region specifically for the purpose of Role Play. The basis of this is to direct the RP currently taking place in our RMB to a region designed for that very purpose, thus eliminating a lot of clutter…or so it seems to those who do NOT engage in RP who like to carry on conversations on the RMB, which is hard to do with RP taking place. Be sure to make your voice heard here: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38512/public-comment-separate-roleplay-rmb.

Last but not least, our Friends in Middle Earth have extended an invitation to a themed role play in ME. In order to read the invitation and find out how to join, read this: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38483/middle-earth-hosting-roleplay-invited.

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This month’s interview features a longtime Islander who needs no introduction…but will get one anyway. Human Sanity was a citizen in XKI long before TMS sprang into existence, but had been absent for a long period. Fortunately, HS returned to the Islands to assume a mantle of responsibility in various guises, most recently as the aforementioned Senior Senator of New Republica South,and now as our Minister of Labor. As busy as he is, TMS still managed to sit down with him for an informative and entertaining chat.

TMS: What country are you from?
HS: United States - originally from Texas but I've since relocated to Michigan

TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
HS: I'm normally a vegetarian - so this was already out of my comfort zone - but when I was traveling in Spain last summer I had to eat a sardine with garlic mayo. I had a lot of fish on that trip, but I'm not sure why that specifically was a no-go for me.

TMS: Who is favorite musician?
HS: Ok - so a confession to make that I realize is heinous to most of the world - I don't listen to that much music. I know I'm a soulless delinquent. I never really developed my own music taste.
My parents raised me on a solid combo of Bob Dylan and The Grateful Dead for what it’s worth.

TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
HS: I played soccer for one season in elementary school... I was very bad. I also quit "Odyssey of the Mind"... an activity designed to teach me "creative problem solving" and "teamwork".

TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
HS: Chocolate milk probably. I drink water about 95% of the time, but chocolate milk is a special treat

TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
HS: Chem-trails. And no, of course I don’t believe it.

TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write fan fiction for any TV show which TV show would it be.
HS: Sooooo, no, sadly I don’t have a favorite author. I think my favorite fiction book is The Catcher in the Rye – when I read it for the first time in middle school, I hated it. I “had to” read it for junior year English, and I decided to actually give it a re-read and I loved it. Maybe it just “spoke to me” at that moment in time, but I’m glad I gave it a second chance!
As to what show, I require a substantial quantity of Big Brother fan fiction. If any mainstream author gave a BB fan fic write, I’d read it.

TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
HS: Tomato sauce. It’s not even the worst food I’ve ever eaten – but I really find it to be the lowest tier of sauce for basically any food item, and it’s so ubiquitous that I think by banning it I would get the highest utility.

TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
HS: I’m a member of my school’s competitive debate team. Apart from that, I watch *a lot* of reality TV.

TMS: What vice could you never give up?
HS: I have a bottle of chocolate syrup in my fridge. About once a week, I just pour some of it directly into my mouth. I have no excuse for my behavior.

TMS: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
HS: House cat. If you’re a house cat, all kinds of rude behavior becomes justifiable. You can just sit on people, knock their stuff over, give them the stink eye, but you can still maximize a lot of the benefits of being a person.

TMS: What will be the title of your autobiography?
HS: My autobiography would consist of a short (2-3 page) summary of my life outlook on each birthday of my life, starting probably around 10 or 11. I feel like it would be interesting to see how I changed over time. I’d call it Snapshots Across the Life of an American Millennial.

HS, our readers appreciate the opportunity to know you better.

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I happen to live in a part of the world that is a humid continental climate region. This sort of climate region features four distinct seasons. Summers are very hot and humid, winters are often bitterly cold, and last for months. It’s the full spectrum. There aren’t many of these climate zones in the southern hemisphere, but in the northern, we’re just starting to get the early hints of spring. The days are getting longer. Temperatures are slowly climbing. Winter is finally coming to an end.

I believe that the spring season is a little more meaningful for those of us who must endure a genuine winter. There needs to be that contrast to truly appreciate what spring represents. I also think that having to push through winter year after year, to get to spring, naturally teaches a person to take the bad with the good – especially when it’s out of your hands.

I bring all this up because it wasn’t a particularly successful month for the region in the WA. Don’t get me wrong, we were prolific. We represented. We generated resolutions. They reached quorum and went to vote… but we didn’t have any wins. That’s the ‘bad’ that I guess must be taken in the context of our string of recent successes, and there have been many. Sometimes things don’t go as hoped or expected despite the effort put in. The sun can’t shine every day, even in 10000 Islands, but there will always be days when it will.

So, in keeping with the theme, let’s have one last look back on the frosty foils and fecund fodder of February before we slough off the snows of winter and start anew.

SC#296 Condemn Gatesville Inc The last vestiges of a raider empire of yore, black-marked for the historic record. I wasn’t enthralled by this resolution, mainly due to a belief that sleeping dogs should be left to lie. However, there are enough active nations in the Gatesville Inc who were involved in the activities of Gatesville (the real culprit, now defunct) that it justified the condemnation. Almost 80% support for this one among voters.

Repeal: Preventing the Execution of Innocents (GA, did not pass) The Death Penalty has for a long time had majority support in the WA, much to the chagrin of those who oppose it. The target of this repeal, Preventing the Execution of Innocents is an effort by the WA to put some checks and balances on nations who practice capital punishment, as a means to save the lives of the wrongly convicted (about 4% of all persons executed). This repeal sought to remove that added level of oversight, without success. 82% against.

SC#297 Condemn Tinfect It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a condemnation, but it’s really a commendation. This is how it works in the SC sometimes, when In-Character bad-guys are also strong contributors to the community. There was very little contest here and 86% supported giving Tinfect the badge.

Liberate Pars (SC, did not pass) A bunch of crusty raider types decided they wanted some attention, so they hooked up with some fascists and invaded a region, locking it down with a password. Kuriko had this lib in queue about 30 seconds later, and after seeing the writing on the wall, the raiders all scurried away to do whatever crypto-fascists do in their spare time (I’m assuming it has something to do with gazing lovingly at portraits of their fuhrer while touching themselves). Anyhoo, there was no need for the Liberation after they left, so everyone voted this away.

Liberate the Union of Axis Powers (SC, did not pass) Another case where the liberation proved unnecessary. Whether it would have passed had it not been rendered moot will remain one of the great mysteries of our time (but probably not). As it was, 54% against.

Commend Arconian Empire (SC, did not pass) My own foray into the SC got a bit of a rough ride, but since it was about bringing attention to the ongoing work of the target, I’m happy that it got to vote. I feel a bit bad for AE, who deserved better, but the resolution had respectable support, just on the wrong side of a 60/40 voter split.

GAR#483 Promotion of Recycling I really need to come up with a go-to descriptor for the resolutions that pass in a landslide because they make everyone feel better about themselves: resobations … masterlutions... (I’ll come up with something eventually). This one was pretty vague and not that well crafted and something like 85% of all recycled material goes straight into landfills anyhow, but, turtles, so 86% support.

Commend 00000 A World Power Props to XKI’s own Sargon Reman for putting this together. It read quite well and held promise of passing, but the highly ethical folks in Balder had some opposition to it because of some previous treachery against them, carried out by a prominent member of the target region. Being Balder, there’s probably three sides to that story, but the bad press was enough to turn off the voting public and 83% voted against.

Praise the Sun!

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Minister of Education The tasmanian islands has announced his latest selection as Featured Nation.

The Empire of Krystalveil

nation=krystalveil

Krystalveil
The Empire of Krystalveil is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Emperor Theodore I with an even hand, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, irreverence towards religion, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, hard-working, cheerful population of 2.117 billion Krystalveilians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

You can read more about Krystalveil here: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38535/10000-islands-featured-nation-krystalveil.

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In my very first column, just two months ago, I featured a letter from a reader whose girlfriend was hitting on his father. I really shouldn’t be telling you all this, but it’s too juicy to keep to myself: I received a letter from the poor guy’s Dad, so I just knew you would want to see this perspective…all in the interest of objectivity, of course.

Q: Over the holidays, I brought the girl I've been seeing to my Dad's place for dinner (my parents split a few years ago). I was really hoping they'd like each other, but now I'm worried they might like each other too much. My girl is a couple years older than me, and my Dad has always been a bit of a player. What started out as friendly conversation between them at dinner turned into pretty obvious flirting as the night went on. Thing is, my girl didn't seem to mind, and she was flirting right back. Am I crazy to be worried about this? I like this girl and I love my Dad but I don't know if I should be mad about this.
Signed

SS: Sounds to me like your girl might be a bit of a player too, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. Some girls are just flirty by nature, and most of the time it's just harmless fun. Other times though, the sparks fly when you meet someone's Dad, and there's not much a girl can do but get caught up. I'm not her, so I don't know which it is, but she probably wanted to get along with your Dad as much as you wanted it, and she just got carried away. Give her a break this time, tell your Dad to quit hitting on your dates, and next time, take her to your Mom's place for dinner.

Are you troubled too? Are you one of the many who seek advice for personal or professional problems? Ask Sandy Shoals!

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GULLIVER’S TRAVELS
Don’t confuse this with the novel by Jonathon Swift. As entertaining as that tome may be, our Cultural Office has other plans in the works. The Cultural Office and the Himes West Senator decided to host a joint event for every nation that has interests in writing and most importantly, role-playing. Therefore we came up with an idea that suits these: an activity that takes shape in a traveling journal written by, perhaps, the biggest and most important traveler from literature: Gulliver.

We want to see what you guys come up with and what you write having in mind that it must be written from Gulliver's perspective. Don't worry, you will have 3 weeks starting 1st of March to submit a journal page like the one you will see below.
Now that we’ve piqued your interest, by all means investigate here: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38537/gullivers-travels.

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You already know that Human Sanity has stepped up to fill the vacancy left by Paffnia...we told you twice above. Let us not neglect to mention that Kuriko has been appointed by Markanite to assume the role of Registrar General. Our many thanks to both for helping to fill enormous shoes (we would have said Brobdingnagian, but we used that last month).

It is no surprise to anyone that Sir Aersoldorf was the victor in last month’s Poet Laureate Contest. After all, he’s won the award 18 times previously, and many think the award should be named after him; others think that move should only come posthumously. To read the winning entry, go here: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38504/poet-laureate-winner-2-20.

As some of you may have noticed, the Cultural Office has recently started a small card farming operation run by Human Sanity and Dorab. This is not 10000 Islands' first venture into trading cards as we've had a Discord channel dedicated to the subject for some time. However, this is the first coordinated effort to gather cards on behalf of the region. Card Farmers interested in further detail should scurry thither to: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38487/free-guns-card-give-away.

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EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES

-The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. Please notify Jabberwocky to apply.

-A most important job opportunity is that of TITO XO, with its unique qualifications. Please inquire within: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38568/tito-xo-job.

-As always, XKI needs Emissaries to help conduct our foreign affairs. Please apply here: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37610/emissaries-needed.

-The Ministry of Labor has announce it is seeking a candidate to sculpt a new Knight statue. For a full job description, please apply here: https://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37610/emissaries-needed.

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You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: http://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.

The Mad Surfer is:
Staff Writers: Jabberwocky, THX1138, Sandy Shoals, Dorab;
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky;
Associate Editor: Marxist germany.