The Assyrian Realm of Subar is a titanic, orderly nation, ruled by Gabriel Sarmas with an iron fist, and renowned for its aversion to nipples, infamous sell-swords, and prohibition of alcohol. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 13.127 billion Assyrians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Assur. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 75.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Assyrian economy, worth a remarkable 3,218 trillion minas a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Information Technology, Uranium Mining, Arms Manufacturing, and Woodchip Exports. Average income is an amazing 245,209 minas, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 1,021,029 per year while the poor average 38,496, a ratio of 26.5 to 1.

The statue in the Goatly Plaza has a solar panel for a hat, hymns sung by popular choirs top the billboard charts, Gabriel Sarmas is considering changing the nation's name to Blackacre, and citizens finish cleaning up after the annual National Treasure Hunt just in time for the next one. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Subar's national animal is the caracal, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Assyrian Church of the East.

Subar is ranked 31,394^th in the world and 1^st in Tanomara for Most Cultured, scoring 78 on the Snufflebottom-Wiggendum Pentatonic Scale.