The Quiet Quicksand of Gio Farm 5 is a colossal, orderly nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, parental licensing program, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 9.005 billion Gio Farm 5ians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 68.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Gio Farm 5ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,522 trillion cards a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Furniture Restoration. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 169,097 cards, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 634,352 per year while the poor average 31,501, a ratio of 20.1 to 1.

Moby Dick can only be sold by pornographers, patriots insist that size does matter, helicopter parenting is on the rise, and the question "please would you...?" is usually laden with passive aggression. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Gio Farm 5's national animal is the farmer, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Gio Farm 5 is ranked 64,923^rd in the world and 7^th in Giovanniland for Most Valuable International Artwork, with zero Bank.