by Max Barry

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Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 193rdMost Valuable International Artwork: 256thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 257th
The Ditadura Militar of
Moralistic Democracy
The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have bee
Cafehito
Influence
Apprentice
Ministério da Segurança
Region
Civil Rights
Outlawed
Economy
Frightening
Political Freedom
Below Average

Overview Map Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Cafe Hell

Population6.498 billion

CapitalCafeburg
LeaderCafehito
FaithCulto do Flanela

CurrencyCrypto
AnimalHumans

The Ditadura Militar of Cafe Hell is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Cafehito with an even hand, and remarkable for its lack of airports, compulsory military service, and sprawling nuclear power plants. The hard-nosed, hard-working, humorless population of 6.498 billion Robos Movidos a Cafe are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic government is primarily concerned with Defense, with Industry, Law & Order, and Administration also on the agenda, while International Aid and Environment aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cafeburg. The average income tax rate is 97.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Seguidor do Flanela economy, worth a remarkable 2,620 trillion Cryptoes a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 403,217 Cryptoes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.9 times as much as the poorest.

Foreigners are treated with great suspicion, public nudity is compulsory, colonial citizens are forced to sing the praise of the "Great Seguidor do Flanela Liberator", and meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cafe Hell's national animal is the Humans, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Culto do Flanela.

Cafe Hell is ranked 7,170th in the world and 1st in Arakeia for Lowest Crime Rates, with 107.66 law-abiding acts per hour.

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1%
Largest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 193rdMost Valuable International Artwork: 256thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 257thLargest Manufacturing Sector: 272ndMost Patriotic: 545thMost Subsidized Industry: 577thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 709thMost Corrupt Governments: 830thMost Armed: 1,027thHighest Average Incomes: 1,069thMost Secular: 1,240thLargest Black Market: 1,428thMost Avoided: 1,486thLargest Mining Sector: 1,706thMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1,749thMost Efficient Economies: 1,754thHighest Poor Incomes: 1,837thRudest Citizens: 2,065thLargest Governments: 2,770thLargest Information Technology Sector: 2,924thTop
5%
Highest Average Tax Rates: 3,289thNudest: 4,416thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 4,939thLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 5,038thMost Advanced Public Education: 5,467thMost Conservative: 6,788thLowest Crime Rates: 7,170thMost Developed: 7,887thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 8,065thHighest Economic Output: 8,648thSmartest Citizens: 11,057thLargest Retail Industry: 11,247thMost World Assembly Endorsements: 11,365thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 14,581stMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 15,274thTop
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Largest Cheese Export Sector: 18,858thLongest Average Lifespans: 21,390thMost Influential: 24,961st
Top
1%
Most Patriotic: 1st in the regionMost Valuable International Artwork: 1st in the regionMost Developed: 1st in the regionMost Secular: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 1st in the regionMost Extensive Public Healthcare: 1st in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 1st in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 1st in the regionMost Efficient Economies: 1st in the regionSmartest Citizens: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Public Education: 1st in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 1st in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 1st in the regionLargest Governments: 1st in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionMost Armed: 1st in the regionHighest Economic Output: 1st in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 1st in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 1st in the regionMost Conservative: 1st in the regionHighest Poor Incomes: 1st in the regionMost Politically Apathetic Citizens: 1st in the regionLargest Populations: 1st in the regionLargest Black Market: 1st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 1st in the regionLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 1st in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 1st in the regionNudest: 2nd in the regionMost Influential: 2nd in the regionRudest Citizens: 2nd in the regionLargest Mining Sector: 2nd in the regionMost Avoided: 2nd in the regionLargest Information Technology Sector: 2nd in the regionTop
5%
Largest Retail Industry: 3rd in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 3rd in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 4th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 4th in the regionLargest Cheese Export Sector: 8th in the regionMost Scientifically Advanced: 10th in the regionTop
10%
Largest Basket Weaving Sector: 13th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Cafe Hell endorsed a map instead of a map .
  • : Cafe Hell endorsed a map .
  • : Cafe Hell lodged a message on the Arakeia Regional Message Board.
  • : Cafe Hell lodged a message on the Arakeia Regional Message Board.
  • : Cafe Hell was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Nudest and Most Extensive Public Healthcare.
  • : Following new legislation in Cafe Hell, meetings are often scheduled for "about four-ish" following complete conversion to sundials.
  • : Following new legislation in Cafe Hell, colonial citizens are forced to sing the praise of the "Great Seguidor do Flanela Liberator".
  • : Cafe Hell's influence in Arakeia rose from "Squire" to "Apprentice".
  • : Following new legislation in Cafe Hell, public nudity is compulsory.
  • : Following new legislation in Cafe Hell, foreigners are treated with great suspicion.

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World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 3 » Tilambucoland, Finland Countryball, and Joaozinho.

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