The Protectorate of Altwick is a titanic, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Protector with an iron fist, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, punitive income tax rates, and complete absence of social welfare. The compassionate, cynical population of 16.965 billion Altwickians are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The enormous, well-organized government prioritizes Law & Order, with Education, Public Transport, and Social Policy also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kirkwall. The average income tax rate is 66.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The Altwickian economy, worth 703 trillion Marks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Basket Weaving, and Beef-Based Agriculture. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 41,492 Marks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

Lovesick people are told 'it's not them, it's you', up to 40% of voters can finally read the issues they're deciding on, a law degree is required before telling people not to drink and drive, and scientists earn more grant money for reproducing old experiments than trying anything new. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Altwick's national animal is the bull, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Objectionism.

Altwick is ranked 230,389^th in the world and 3^rd in Commonality of Free Nations for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring -2.19 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.