The Serene Principality of Smertolina is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Princess Martina Smertolinsky with an iron fist, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, unlimited-speed roads, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 21.547 billion Smertolinans are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The relatively small, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Education, and Defense. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Cristofslazny. The average income tax rate is 28.1%.

The frighteningly efficient Smertolinan economy, worth a remarkable 3,793 trillion Marks a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 176,060 Marks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.9 times as much as the poorest.

Shady doctors seem to have impeccable records, parents are relieved they no longer need to help with their kids' algebra homework, nose plugs are the latest Smertolinan fashion accessory, and homophobia is off the menu. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Smertolina's national animal is the Black Eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is the Smertolinan Catholic Church.

Smertolina is ranked 82,137^th in the world and 4,391^st in Osiris for Lowest Crime Rates, with 68.23 law-abiding acts per hour.