The Kingdom of Qelsalvinia is a colossal, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Gole Amazon with an iron fist, and remarkable for its sprawling nuclear power plants, prohibition of alcohol, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 7.927 billion Qelsalvinians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Qelsavaca. The average income tax rate is 74.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Qelsalvian economy, worth a remarkable 1,116 trillion Queslas a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is broadly diversified, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Average income is an impressive 140,900 Queslas, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Children are raised bilingual from an early age, trying to toast marshmallows in an electric fireplace just isn't the same, the government has stated an intention to min-max its stats for 'teh pwnage', and using "inspect element" is grounds for espionage charges. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Qelsalvinia's national animal is the Golden Eye Owl, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Shathonism.

Qelsalvinia is ranked 67,629^th in the world and 2,107^th in Osiris for Largest Populations, with 7.93 billion capita.