The Doot of Melons is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Melon Boi with an even hand, and renowned for its smutty television, parental licensing program, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, humorless population of 18.561 billion Melons are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Industry, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Melonsville. The average income tax rate is 74.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Melon economy, worth a remarkable 4,056 trillion Melons a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is fairly diversified, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Book Publishing, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an amazing 218,567 Melons, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The police double as repo men, it can be a real jungle in a modern courtroom, half-submerged and flooded seaside hotels are technically still next to the beach, and shoving people into lockers qualifies you for a ministerial position. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Melons's national animal is the Melon, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Melonism.

Melons is ranked 38,167^th in the world and 2^nd in Just relax for Most Conservative, scoring 78.25 on the Bush-Santorum Dawning Terror Index.