The Doot of Melons is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Doot Melon with an iron fist, and renowned for its rampant corporate plagiarism, soft-spoken computers, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cynical population of 5.45 billion Melons are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Education, Welfare, and Law & Order also on the agenda, while Spirituality is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Melonsville. The average income tax rate is 38.0%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Melon economy, worth 562 trillion Seeds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is fairly diversified, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is an impressive 103,222 Seeds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.6 times as much as the poorest.

100-year-old politicians are now a thing of the past, Doot Melon is too busy listening to praise to get any work done, exceptionally talented workers are praised more than Revolutionary heroes, and signatures have been replaced with illegible scribbles. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Melons's national animal is the Melon, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Dootism.

Melons is ranked 198,073^rd in the world and 11^th in Just relax for Most Avoided, scoring 0.79 on the Kardashian Reflex Score.