The Holy Empire of Haguia is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Vago o Velho with an iron fist, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, zero percent divorce rate, and frequent executions. The hard-working, cynical, devout population of 3.12 billion Haguians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The medium-sized, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Environment, Law & Order, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Concórdia. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 48.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Haguian economy, worth 276 trillion Dracmas a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Cheese Exports, and Furniture Restoration. Average income is 88,601 Dracmas, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 314,731 per year while the poor average 17,974, a ratio of 17.5 to 1.

Online terrorists are automatically assigned adverts for cheap balaclavas, owning a really cute pet is grounds for immediate investigation, the people are famous throughout the region for their perfect yellow teeth, and Vago o Velho claims to be the epitome of family values. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Haguia's national animal is the saltwater crocodile, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is Catolicismo.

Haguia is ranked 87,399^th in the world and 4,971^st in Balder for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 2,679.5 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.