The United Socialist Republic of Golga is a mammoth, orderly nation, ruled by General Secretary Marilov with an iron fist, and renowned for its compulsory military service, ubiquitous missile silos, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical population of 8.46 billion Golgans are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Education, and Administration also on the agenda. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Katzgrad. The average income tax rate is 87.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Golgan economy, worth 797 trillion Rubles a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Information Technology, and Tourism. Average income is 94,304 Rubles, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Midnight raids drag couples from their homes in the name of decency, bug burgers are extra crunchy, the weather in Katzgrad is always 'pigeons with a chance of droppings', and surfing lessons include how to ward off sharks. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Golga's national animal is the Eurasian Brown Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is State Enforced Atheism.

Golga is ranked 174,621^st in the world and 5^th in The Three Isles for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 158.73 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.