The Kingdom of Falkia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Charles IX Wolfinhelm with a fair hand, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, smutty television, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 23.818 billion Falkians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The medium-sized, corrupt, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Industry, Law & Order, and Public Transport. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Gochara. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 13.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Falkian economy, worth a remarkable 2,158 trillion Scepters a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. Black market activity is notable. Average income is 90,624 Scepters, with the richest citizens earning 9.7 times as much as the poorest.

Political talk shows often have children as guests whenever they need commentary on world religions, the poor are forced into bankruptcy by their energy bills, restaurants are required to specify whether their toilet paper was made in Falkia, and school teachers check the staff room for hidden webcams before complaining about rebellious students. Crime is well under control, thanks to a well-funded police force. Falkia's national animal is the Gray Wolf, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Roman Catholicism.

Falkia is ranked 254,203^rd in the world and 89^th in The Kingdom of Great Britain for Most Primitive, scoring -165.36 on the Scary Big Number Scale.