The Republic of Eitoan is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Ephriam Shrdlu with a fair hand, and notable for its smutty television, public floggings, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 18.986 billion Eitoans live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The tiny, corrupt, pro-business, outspoken government prioritizes Defense, although Industry, Administration, and Law & Order are also considered important, while Environment and Spirituality are ignored. The average income tax rate is 6.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Eitoanian economy, worth a remarkable 3,299 trillion Quadas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Retail, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an impressive 173,811 Quadas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.4 times as much as the poorest.

The price of peace is endless surveillance, rolling boulders up hills is the national sport, workers of "fairweather faith" claim six months of paid leave for holy days per year, and a whispered 'that's not very nice' is a teacher's toughest weapon. Crime is almost non-existent. Eitoan's national animal is the Eitoan Tiger, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is No official religion.

Eitoan is ranked 325,057^th in the world and 58^th in Greater Dienstad for Most Compassionate Citizens, scoring 11.85 on the Kitten Softness Rating.