The Gaulic Protectorate of Dachine is a gargantuan, orderly nation, remarkable for its burgeoning Tapir population. The hard-working, cynical population of 26.666 billion Dachinois are proud of their wide-ranging civil freedoms, and those who aren't tend to be dragged off the streets by men in dark suits and hustled into cars with tinted windows.

The medium-sized government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Education, and Spirituality. The average income tax rate is 30.8%.

The strong Dachinois economy, worth a remarkable 1,060 trillion Gaulic Francs a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Trout Farming industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Cheese Exports, and Basket Weaving. Average income is 39,754 Gaulic Francs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 4.5 times as much as the poorest.

Euthanasia is legal, elections have been outlawed, meat-eating is frowned upon, and all tariffs have been abolished. Crime is moderate. Dachine's national animal is the Tapir, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Dachine is ranked 174,667^th in the world and 3^rd in Wishtonia for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 32.13 on the Bus Surprisal Index.