The Dirlandic State of Cottony is a titanic, cultured nation, ruled by Mayor Yoshiko McAdams with an even hand, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, keen interest in outer space, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, cheerful population of 13.016 billion Dirlanders are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Environment, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kuntawillen. The average income tax rate is 90.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Dirlandic economy, worth a remarkable 1,244 trillion kroner a year, is highly specialized and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Tourism. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 95,611 kroner, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

High school bands practice by moonlight, asking 'does my bum look big in this?' leads to 30 hours of self-esteem classes, the government puts forth the claim that harming young girls is wrong, and chipped paint can see a building condemned. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Cottony's national animal is the Dirlandic grosbeak, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Cottony is ranked 213,563^rd in the world and 44^th in Nordic Lands for Most Conservative, scoring 47.83 on the Bush-Santorum Dawning Terror Index.