The Kingdom of Apalatci is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Gilbert with a fair hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, national health service, and keen interest in outer space. The compassionate, democratic population of 1.621 billion Apalatcians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The large, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Knox. The average income tax rate is 72.2%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The strong Apalatcian economy, worth 116 trillion Ermines a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector is mostly made up of the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Cheese Exports, Tourism, and Beef-Based Agriculture. Average income is 71,954 Ermines, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Museums stand half-empty as all foreign exhibits are returned to their countries of origin, Apalatcian tourists are encouraged to hand out spare condoms to locals while on vacation, convicted criminals are given free limo rides to jail, and political cartoons depicting Gilbert's face on a Northern Cardinal's buttocks are selling like hotcakes. Crime is totally unknown. Apalatci's national animal is the Northern Cardinal, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Apalatci is ranked 68,165^th in the world and 20^th in Esportiva for Highest Drug Use, scoring 240.1 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.