The Laconic Directorate of Unilisia is a titanic, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Archon Evelyn Staleko with an iron fist, and renowned for its keen interest in outer space, sprawling nuclear power plants, and pith helmet sales. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 16.255 billion Univæ are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order and Education are also considered important, while Spirituality receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Umbriæ. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Unilisian economy, worth a remarkable 8,426 trillion Uni-ts a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is a breathtaking 518,366 Uni-ts, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Retail stores are known for creating their own oddly-similar holidays in the months preceding any major festivity, wood-framed catapults are ready to launch diseased corpses into besieged cities, newly-peaceful nations are forced to use assault rifles as farming tools due to a lack of funds for purchasing anything else, and preschools put children down for naps with milk, cookies, and a gruesome story of vengeance. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Unilisia's national animal is the Pariahan nautillus, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is the lack of religion entirely.

Unilisia is ranked 72,491^st in the world and 10^th in Greater Dienstad for Highest Unexpected Death Rate, scoring 41.69 on the Bus Surprisal Index.