The Laconic Directorate of Unilisia is a titanic, efficient nation, ruled by Archon Evelyn Staleko with an iron fist, and notable for its smutty television, ubiquitous missile silos, and compulsory military service. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 16.176 billion Univæ are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The large, corrupt, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Law & Order and Education are also considered important, while Spirituality receives no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Umbriæ. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Unilisian economy, worth a remarkable 8,315 trillion Uni-ts a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Uranium Mining. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is a breathtaking 514,040 Uni-ts, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Tourists call Unilisian beach towns "the fine coastline", exam halls are littered with used needles and empty pill bottles, the military is recruiting war criminals to join its weapons research teams, and visiting dignitaries often end up cuddling in the hot tub with Archon Evelyn Staleko. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Unilisia's national animal is the Pariahan nautillus, which frolics freely in the nation's sparkling oceans, and its national religion is the lack of religion entirely.

Unilisia is ranked 131,237^th in the world and 32^nd in Greater Dienstad for Largest Insurance Industry, scoring 1,477.98 on the Risk Expulsion Effectiveness Rating.