by Max Barry

Latest Forum Topics

Zombieland RMB

WA Delegate: None.

Founder: The Zombie Corporation of Mr Zombie

Last WA Update:

Board Activity History Admin Rank

Most Nations: 1,201st Most World Assembly Endorsements: 1,561st
World Factbook Entry

Welcome to Zombieland! The plague of the 21st Century, remember mad cow disease? Well mad cow became mad person became mad zombie.
It's a fast acting virus that leaves you with a swollen brain, a raging fever, makes you hateful and violent, and leaves you with a really bad case of the munchies.


Catch the Infection today!

>>See a region in need of some Zombification? Post it on the RMB!<<
We shall spread the blessing of the infection to all corners of NS!
LinkWe're coming to get you Barbara!

Z Day
LinkDiscord
Z Radio: LinkBrains!


When there is Linkno more room in Hell... the dead shall walk the earth...
"I can't profess to understand God's plan, Christ promised the resurrection of the dead. I just thought he had something a little different in mind."
~Hershel



Embassies: Hell, In The Flesh, The Zombie Apocalypse Wasteland, Hippy Haven, Death Star, The Time vortex, Capital Wasteland, Underworld, Ivory Tower, United Governments of NationStates, The Bar on the corner of every region, The Iceberg Lounge, The Imperial Consortium, The European Coalition, and Philosophical Zombies.

Tags: Social, Medium, Featured, Post Apocalyptic, Surreal, and Magical.

Zombieland contains 12 nations, the 1,201st most in the world.

Today's World Census Report

The Most Authoritarian in Zombieland

World Census staff loitered innocuously in various public areas and recorded the length of time that passed before they were approached by dark-suited officials.

As a region, Zombieland is ranked 5,777th in the world for Most Authoritarian.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Dark Side Rocks of Vader Knows Best 4Iron Fist Consumerists“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”
2.The Theocracy of The Kao QueericstIron Fist Consumerists“God, Homeland, Liberty”
3.The Empire of AlaiziaFather Knows Best State“Expand the greatness of Alaizia across the whole world.”
4.The Holy Empire of World Axis AssemblyIron Fist Consumerists“Once a boyts always a boyts”
5.The Darkened Ballroom of Moon DancersCorporate Police State“Its A Marvelous Night For A Moondance”
6.The Evil Empire of The Umbrella Corporation-Compulsory Consumerist State“Nine out of every ten homes contain our products.”
7.The Apocalypse Wasteland Mayor of ZombieScandinavian Liberal Paradise“BRAINS...”
8.The Zombies ate the People of Norris LandCapitalist Paradise“Great minds taste alike.”
9.The Empire of The Demonic PeopleCapitalizt“We will kill all opposition ”
10.The Mad Wandering Cannibal of Mr GhoulScandinavian Liberal Paradise“A Ghoul's gotta do, what a Ghoul's gotta do.”
12»

Regional Happenings

More...

Zombieland Regional Message Board

Vandario wrote:No problem, company always makes things more fun. Used to going solo most the time.

Solo's pretty fun too. This was my first year running solo, and it was honestly more fun than hunkering with a group.

Etlara wrote:Solo's pretty fun too. This was my first year running solo, and it was honestly more fun than hunkering with a group.

It is, I think my first Z-Day was in 2013, with my old main. Thats when I was with 10000 Islands and got pretty wiped out. Made this the next year and came to realize that going Solo or working in a small group is a lot more fun. I got my own region, only me and 6 other nations, keeping it small is more my speed.

Hewwo! just a few billion zombie faeries looking for braaaaains!

Great Z day everyone! Thanks to all involved spreading the gift of the infection!

YAY! now back to TNP with me!

I'm afraid I must leave you again. Until next year! :P

I invite folks to stick around, and encourage WA nations to endorse one another so we can get a delegate.

╭━━━━╮ This is meme dog. Help
╰┃ ┣▇━▇ meme dog take over nation-states
 ┃ ┃  ╰━▅╮ by pasting
 ╰┳╯ ╰━━┳╯ him in 10 other
  ╰╮ ┳━━╯ regions or he
 ▕▔▋ ╰╮╭━╮ will never be a meme
╱▔╲▋╰━┻┻╮╲╱▔▔▔╲
▏  ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔  O O┃
╲╱▔╲▂▂▂▂╱▔╲▂▂▂╱
 ▏╳▕▇▇▕ ▏╳▕▇▇▕
 ╲▂╱╲▂╱ ╲▂╱╲▂╱

The next issue of Hell's Bells is hot off the demonic presses!

Issue XXVII: Six Feet for the Devil (Operation Bite-Mark)


Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

November 13th, 2017
Issue XXVII. LinkSix Feet for the Devil

Index
I. Operation Bite-Mark
II. Spotlight News
-NS World Fair
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. President of Underworld
V. Artwork of the Damned
-Pumped up Stats
VI. New Sheriff In Town

Nuke Day, Operation Bite-Mark, and How the Devil Ate their Brains
Article by, The Stalker

It all began on the eve of the Mad Kingís third year anniversary of ruling Hell, August 29th, the mods had decided to celebrate this by marking the date as the start of the annual Nuke Day game.

Once again the The Horsemen of the Apocalypse would ride. Hell, Underworld, Glass Gallows, Middle Earth, Hippy Haven, and all bringers of the apocalypse reunited for round two.

While the first N day had been a mad spree of nonstop attacking everyone resulting in high strike count, but ultimately leading the Horsemen being demolished by everyone in return. Round two allowed for a more planned and calculated approach, making allies and out maneuvering our enemies allowing us to maintain 10th place for the bulk of the event, sitting up there with factions 3 to 10 times our size.

There the Mad King and the Horsemen of the Apocalypse sat, a twisted King Author narrative played out sitting around the round table deciding who next to nuke. Then towards the end of the event Paul Revere burst in the door screaming the nukes are coming!

The United Free Alliance faction based out of the region The Free Nations Region had been watching. The supposedly defender region saw the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, the only successful high ranking founderless region based faction and thought hereís a good target to destroy. So they infiltrated Hellís discord and plotted their strike.

The Mad King pleaded his case, think of the demon babies he screamed as nukes laid waste countless sinful demonic souls. Nuking the dreams of the founderless communities who worked so hard on one of the few events theyíre on a fair footing for. Causing the Horsemen to fall from 10th to 12th place, taking almost half our score.

The Mad King knew he couldnít let this slide. I mean who nukes the King of Hell and gets away with it? So he thought of a plot, and he thought of it fast.

Thus Operation Bite-Mark was born.

A highly trained covert team of Zombie Ninjas began moving nations into The Free Nations Region throughout the following months. Lead by the Mad King The Stalker, the team included; Daisy Johnson, New Paristan, Freddland, Aibohphobia, The Iron Helm, Mrev the Dead Goblin, Donkervader, SherpDaWerp, Vogel Tori, Eothania, -Anton Szandor LaVey-, and Irishplace.

The Stalker and his 12th zombie apostles set forth on their mission to get brain eating revenge against those who had nuked the Horsemen. At the start of the event The Free Nations Region had roughly 330 nations in the region, with approximately 15-20% of those nations moved in by Operation Bite-Mark. The amount of puppets per team member varied greatly, with the Stalker having over 25+, Daisy Johnson had roughly a dozen, and the rest ranging from half a dozen to just one or two.

The attack plan was to hit them hard and hit them fast soon as the event begun, and it went flawlessly. At the start of the event Operation Bite-Mark went to work, targeting large inactive nations to do the most damage and avoid detection from active players. Working thought was theyíd start ejecting nations as they caught them hording other nations, but that with enough nations embracing the horde and carefully using just a few puppets at a time throughout the event we could cripple any chance of survival.

However it soon became clear no one with border controls was on for the first few hours of the event. With Zombie hordes so easily researchable, and it taking over an hour to research the cure. Operation Bite-Mark quickly turned into a slaughter. We focused on taking down anyone researching the cure, their leadership, and anyone active. An hour or two in the mission was already a success, but we kept at it devouring and consuming their brains into the night. Most players logging on to find themselves zombified. Revenge never tasted so good.

Meanwhile in Hell, this year was the first year Hell ever survived, coming in 21st place for most survivors and no infect, with 731 billion survivors and no deaths.

Never underestimate the King of Hell, darling.

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

NS World Fair VI

This yearís NS World Fair has begun preparations! Scheduled to run from December 15th through December 21st, will be accepting bids for regional host now till November 20th.

Hell will once again be in attendance, to corrupt the masses and further our goals of conquering NationStates through a demonic cult shadow government that runs Gameplay.
LinkLast yearís booth
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Fredd,
How often do you get comments for Hells Bells?

Dytarma

Dharma,
Almost never (if they know whatís good for them).

Fredd
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fredd,
How did you start out with this column?

Dytarma

Guarana,
Persistent little bugger, arenít you? I was tricked into it. I thought I was signing a contract with Stalker for a cool set of Ginsu knives, but I didnít read the fine print. Turns out I have to write this column for all eternity. And the knives were dull after a week. Rotten bastard.

Fredd
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

The Iron Helm elected Second President of Underworld!
Compiled by, The Stalker

Congratulations to The Iron Helm, former Speaker of Underworld, on being elected the second President of Underworld!

Voting Results
The Iron Helm: 5
Comfortes: 0
Bloodmoses: 1
(Voting open only to WA Underworlders.)

Campaign Speech

My people, sons and daughters of Underworld,

The President is the heart of our land, our traditions are its body, and the people, its blood. I believe that one day we shall rule NS my friends. Our armies shall thunder across the endless lands and it shall tremble beneath them, as in the beginning the very earth shook beneath the wings of our dark master as he fell from the heavens to our realm. He was Underworld, just as I am Underworld and you are Underworld. His face is my face, and your face. His strength, our strength, for his purpose runs through our veins. Our former President Eothania, labored diligently to build Underworld into a monument of greatness that now watches over us. When it was complete, so to was his time to rule complete, yet even as our President departed from the seat of power, I who served him best, stood ready. And a new day dawned for Underworld. In time, each President must heed the call of our great master and depart these lands to serve a greater purpose, for the day his reign comes to an end so continues the eternal vigilance of his successors. The Helm stands now, as it always has, ready to serve and to defend. As speaker of the people, I have watched our realm grow, and I have seen the future of our kind; stand with me now, and I shall be your sword and shield. This I vow to you my friends, while I serve our hallowed land, so shall the long dark of Underworld endure!

Acceptance Speech

My People,
Sons and daughters of the endless darkness, we have seen the ending of another era in our region, the passing of the torch to another generation. It is with great dignity, solemn resolve, and unending gratefulness that by your will, I assume the mantle of leadership. I vow that this day shall begin a new era for Underworld, and together we will rise to greatness unknown in our history. I cannot accomplish this goal alone, it will require you, you the strength in my arm and the holders of my dreams. Together we shall make Underworld great, united, and undivided. Thank you my people, and may the long dark of Underworld Endure!

Artwork of the Damned
"Pumped up Stats - Dasa Rodiland"
Parody of LinkPumped up Kicks by, Dasa Rodiland

All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my gun
All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my armies.

Max Barry works a long day, Heís commin to me, with a big update, I canít wait for mor stats, theyíre gonna happen, sometime in the future

All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my gun
All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my armies.
[x2]

Moderatorís gotta quick hand, heís loaded with bans, so inevitably hitting all the innocents, gotta watch out, gotta watch out.

All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my gun
All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my armies.
[x3]

*Instrumental*

*whistling*

All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my gun
All the other nations with the pumped up stats ya better run better run, faster than my armies.
*bows*

New Sheriff In Town, Beginning Legacy Of Eothania aka Asmodeus
Article by, Eothania

Where do I begin? Hmmm, letís start with when I first joined Underworld, well second time. Felt like years ago but really it was about 4 months or so. The first time I joined Underworld was a bit over a year ago but had complications in life so I stopped playing on NS. Anyway, joining Underworld was the best decision I made on NS over my many years of playing. First time I introduced myself on the Discord, I felt like I belonged. Everyone was great, easy to get along with and active. So after introducing myself and getting comfortable with the community as well as talking with Stalker, a big opportunity rose. The first ever presidential elections in Underworld. I thought to myself, itís a opportunity to really connect with everyone and help make a difference. So I ran as a candidate and soon after was picked to be president of a great region. It was a big responsibility and a lot of work but I managed to get through it. The bonus of it was besides also being WA Delegate, I got to meet more great people in the community. Had a great team to work with during the beginning phase of my presidency. Sadly after a month, my team started to become inactive and I was left with just one official, Iron Helm and Stalker. Despite doing a lot by myself in the sense, it wasnít bad. I got to understand what it really takes to be a leader and work for a better cause. During my last phase of being president, we got a new Overlord, Daisy. She helped me keep Underworld going in the right path. I couldnít have done what I did without the great people supporting me in Underworld. So now after serving a little over two months as President and WA Delegate, I agreed to enter the inferno of Hell. It is currently now where I reside and will continue to until the end. Now that Iím in Hell, I shall do what Iíve done in Underworld and keep us going in a positive path for growth.

You canít wait for opportunity to knock on your door, break down the door and make opportunity work for yourself. Life is full of chances, life is full of pain and even though the struggles may be overwhelming, you learn from it and you become something better for yourself and for others.

- Asmodeus

We hope you've enjoyed our twenty-seventh issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details.

Important Note: In payment for having enjoyed our Newspaper you are expected to up arrow this factbook. Failing to up arrow this factbook means you are willing choosing to forfeit ownership of your soul to The Stalker for all eternity instead. Thanks for reading.

Read factbook


(Up arrows always welcome)

NS Forum: viewtopic.php?f=12&t=331170

Hope you guys enjoy!

The next issue of Hell's Bells is hot off the demonic presses! Issue XXVIII. You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch


Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

December 26th, 2017
Issue XXVIII. LinkYou're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Index
I. Play of the Game for the Win
II. Spotlight News
-Robot Santa Visits Hell!
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Hell Christmas Carols Vol. 2
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. IN THE AGE OF FUTURAMA

Play of the Game for the Win
Article by, The Stalker

(Image provided by Blood Wine, a meme heís really proud of)

With the return of the Gameplay Awards run by an unknown host, this year people began to ask who is this host? Last yearís voting allowed for both public and private voting, and the end results came across as sketchy with a number of categories winners differing from the public results.

Some were concerned with the hostís ability to tell puppets and route out multi voters, while others concerned they might be cherry picking the winners, asked they reveal themselves to create some accountability or to restrict voting to public voting only to ensure accurate results. Despite the number of gameplayers requesting the host reveal themselves or do public voting, the host largely ignored these concerns pushing ahead with keeping private votes and not revealing themselves either. Leading to a boycott of the Gameplay Awards 2017, and the start of a number of spinoff awards.

First came Cormacís Miniluv Awards, a promising transparent alternative awards that would later be cancelled for personal reasons. Followed by a few other attempts, including a joke awards by The Southern Onion.

Enter the Play of the Game awards, hosted by the unlikely duo of The Roman Empire and The Order of the Grey Wardens. With public voting, transparency, and accountability, Hellís Bells endorses Play of the Game as the official Gameplay Awards of NationStates, so saith the beloved Devil of NationStates and eater of souls. We encourage our readership to participate in the Play of the Game awards! Voting ends the 27th!

Golden Gameplayer Award: Cormac, Zaolat, Roavin, Todd McCloud, Plagentine, Onder, Jakker, Krulltopia, Yuno
Influential Gameplayer of the Year: Roavin, Zaolat, Yuno, Festavo
Raider of the Year: Plagentine, Zaolat, Ever Wandering Souls, August
Defender of the Year: Vincent Drake, Zaolat, Roavin, Frattastan
Rising Gameplayer of the Year: Liliarchy, Zaolat, Marilyn Manson Freaks, Escade, August, Roavin
Rising Raider of the Year: Liliarchy, Zaolat, Hired Contractor, Jay
Rising Defender of the Year: Merlin, Zaolat, Vincent Drake, Altmoras
Non-Aligned Organization of the Year: Lily, Harem of Awesome, Bloopsej, Augustin Alliance, Legio Pacificus
Raider Organization of the Year: The Roman Empire, The Black Hawks, The Red Fleet
Defender Organization of the Year: The Order of the Grey Wardens, The Rejected Realms Army
Startup Organization of the Year: Lily, The Roman Empire
Invasive Operation of the Year: Japan, Ankh Mauta, Operation Eclipse, Africa, Illuminati
Defensive Operation of the Year: Japan, St Abbaddon
Gameplay Thread of the Year: The Roman Empire, Lazarus mega thread
Gameplay News Outlet of the Year: NWB, The NewsStand, EBC Radio, The Rejected Times
Most Controversial Event of the Year: Condemn Canterlot, NSWF, Lazarus, Brunhilde Scandal, CAIN, Gest/TI,
Biggest Event of the Year: Search for GP Awards, Sedge & CG retiring, Nuke Day 2, Brunhilde Scandal, Ivo's retirement, Operation Eclipse, Talico existing, Zaolat existing

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

Robot Santa Visits Hell!

Itís the violent-est season of the year, and Kringlebot has come dispensing mugs of Xmas fear!
Sugarplummy visions will be dancing in your head, when I cane you from the comfort of my sled!

Hell takes up Futurama theme for December!

Let's see who's been naughty, and who's been naughty.
Mobsters beating up a shopkeeper for protection money: very naughty.
Shopkeeper's not paying their protection money: exactly as naughty.

Ho, ho, ho! It's time to get jolly on your naughty asses!
You DARE bribe Santa?! I'm gonna shove coal so far up your stocking, you'll be coughing up diamonds!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Dear Fredd,

Can you explain this whole Santa Claus thing to me?
(1) Santa rewards "good" little boys and girls? Whose definition of good? Frankly, I find the prospect of little boys sitting on an old fart's lap to beg for presents more than a little creepy.
(2) Santa brings coal to naughty little boys and girls? Is that not a little redundant for those of us in Hell?
(3) Are Santa and the Nazarene BFF or not? SC is usually portrayed as the patron saint of Greed, and JC is...not. Usually when the two appear together, they're depicted fighting (from South Park to fundamentalist Christian churches). Which is fake news and which is not? How can I tell?
(4) Why is Santa's workshop able to crank out the latest electronics for the rich kids, while the poor kids get nothing? Is it good to be rich and naughty to be poor?
(5) If Santa were going to visit all the Christian children on Earth in one night, he would have to travel so fast that he, the sled, and the reindeer would instantly burt into flames, hmmmmm?
(6) Since when do reindeer fly, anyway?
(7) Why is Robot Santa trying to kill me? Is that just Robot Satan in drag?
(8) Since Santa enslaves all the elves at the North Pole to work in his sweatshop, why don't the Little People boycott Christmas?
(9) Do Bumbles really bounce?
(10) What are your favourite Christmas songs that do not mention SC or JC?

Your BFF,
--Buer

Buer,
Too many effing questions. I'm way to far into the brandy/eggnog for this crap.
1) That borderline pedophile Santa just uses a dartboard.
2) Everybody gets a present. Good or bad. Like you said, coal is a present to us murderous bastards.
3) Southpark got it right. Mortal enemies.
4) Slave labor. In the offseason he rents out the elves to tinpot dictators. Then he buys knock offs from china.
5) See #4. Sends out the elves. The little sots screw up most of the requests. That's why you got a toy train instead of the transformers you wanted back when you were little.
6) JATO bottles can make ANYTHING fly.
7) I put out a contract on you (too many effing questions while I'm trying to get drunk). And yes.
8) They have regular insurrections and revolts. Google 1842 elf riots for a good example.
9) If you drop 'em from high enough.
10) Highway to Hell. And eff you if you don't think that's a christmas song.

Fredd
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Dear Fredd,

How does Hell celebrate the new year? Got any new year's resolutions? I like to celebrate by drinking too much eggnog and resolving to do it again next year.

Sincerely,
Resolutions Joe

Joe,
Good question(s). Tormenting damned souls is a popular pastime year round but it takes on special significance around the holiday season. Fresh souls who, until recently enjoyed life, get special tortures during the joyful season. Boiling in eggnog. Roasting (along with chestnuts) over a yule log. Twigs of holly under the fingernails. Presents from Satan Claus (usually mouthfuls of boiling sh!t).

My last resolution was in 1542 when i resolved to give up making @#*$&#ing resolutions. But eggnog is good. My recipe is 10 parts brandy to 1 part eggnog.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Hell Christmas Carols Vol. 2
Parodies by, The Stalker

Twelve Days of Christmas in Hell
On the Twelfth day of Christmas the Devil sent to me,
Twelve Demons dancing,
Eleven false prophets preaching,
Ten angels falling,
Nine Circles of Hell blazing,
Eight Evil Thoughts twisting,
Seven Deadly Sins enticing,
Six hydra heads hissing,
Five Golden Pentagrams,
Four riding Horsemen,
Three barking Cerberus heads,
Two Minotaurs,
And a Mad King in a lake of fire!

The Stalker is Coming to Town
You better watch out, and i'd like it if you cry
Better not be surprised when I drink your tears, I'm telling you why
The Stalker is coming to town!

He's following your every move, And taking your picture twice;
He's gonna find out if your single or if he's gonna have to stab someone nice.
The Stalker is coming to town!

The Stalker sees you when you're sleeping, He follows you when you're awake, He knows if you've taken a shower or not, he's just obsessed for goodness sake!

You better watch out! You better not run,
You better not try to escape my love, I'm telling you why,
The Stalker is coming to town!

The Stalker smells you when you're sleeping, He collects your hair when you're away, He knows if you've been out on a date, and will stab them because he knows he's the one.

You know i'm watching out, and I got some drugged candy canes for you to try,
You better love me or i'll murder you, I'm telling you why
The Stalker is coming to town!

Satanic Christmas
I'm dreaming of a Satanic Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where Cerberusís teeth glisten and demons listen
To hear tortured souls scream while it snows

I'm dreaming of a Satanic Christmas
With every demon deal I make
May your days be numbered and doomed
And may all your Christmases be evil

I'm dreaming of a Satanic Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where Medusaís eyes glisten and demons listen
To hear lost souls weeping while it snows

I'm dreaming of a Satanic Christmas
With every Hellís Bells I write
May your days be scary and full of fright
And may all your Christmases be Satanic

Hellís Bells
Dashing through the lake of fire
In a demon-horse open sleigh
O'er the lost souls we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on Krampus ring
Making the fires bright
What fun it is to murder and sing
A slaying song tonight

[Chorus]
Hellís Bells, Hellís Bells
Corrupts you all the way
Oh what fun it is to kill
With a four horsemen apocalypse on the way, hey
Hellís Bells, Hellís Bells
Consume souls all the way
Oh what fun it is to sell your soul
In a Devil worshiping cult today!

A day or forever ago
I sold my soul to him
And too soon, the fiery bright
Was all within my sight
The first horsemen was cruel and crazed
Misfortune seemed my lot
He got into a murderous rampage
And then we all got shot

[Chorus]

A day or forever ago
This story Iím forced to tell
I went out on the burning lake
And on my back I fell
A demon was riding by
In a demonic-horse open sleigh
He laughed as there I sprawling lie
Then quickly ran over me

[Chorus]

Now the ground is red
Go it while you're still alive
Murder the innocent tonight
And sing this slaying song
Just get a virgin tied up
With sixty-six as your speed
Hitch them to an open sleigh
And crack their skull, so you can eat their brains

[Chorus]
Hellís Bells, Hellís Bells
Corrupts you all the way
Oh what fun it is to kill
With a four horsemen apocalypse on the way, hey
Hellís Bells, Hellís Bells
Consume souls all the way
Oh what fun it is to sell your soul
In a Devil worshiping cult today!

Artwork of the Damned
"The Tree" (scene from the story of Apollo and Daphne.)
14x11 Acrylic & Oil by, The Stalker

IN THE AGE OF FUTURAMA
Article by, Buer the Demon AKA Dr George

Since Hell has chosen Futurama as its Christmas theme of 2017, let me put on my prognostication glasses and hazard some guesses about what things may look like in 1,000 years. There will undoubtedly be things that no one has really anticipated, like the internet or Google or smart phones. Here are some more probable guesses, in my humble opinion.

SCENARIO 1: Things continue on a relatively linear course from here. Despite the growing popularity of greener technologies from the 21st century forward, global warming continues unabated, with droughts, super storms, rising sea levels, new plagues from tropical regions ravage humankind, and the rest, until the collapse of human civilization in the middle of the 23rd century and the extinction of humankind (and 99% of Earthís genome) in the mid-25th century. Without excess carbon being pumped into the atmosphere, Earth is beginning to cool down to a point where extremophile bacteria and simple plants and animals from around vents at the bottom of the oceans are beginning to repopulate the sea. With algae and multicellular organisms having already evolved, evolution kicks into high gear much more quickly than in the beginning, so the seas will be repopulated in a relatively short time and land might start to be colonized in another 10,000,000 years or so.

SCENARIO 2: Exxon-Mobile-Chevron-Texaco and the other big hydrocarbon companies (perhaps with government prodding) shift their business models into green energy production and carbon capture. Even so, humanity loses several major coastal cities, including NY City, New Orleans, Tampa, Miami, Barcelona, Sydney, Nice, Cape Town, Rio, and more. Still, we dodge the bullet of catastrophic overheating and although civilization has slowed down for centuries and a large number of animal and plant species have gone extinct, life endures. Although there is considerably less land area on the planet, we have begun colonizing the shallow seas with both floating cities and submerged cities. After an extended hiatus, permanent, self-supporting colonies have been established on the Moon and Mars; while life there is still hard and challenging, the future looks bright.

SCENARIO 3: Between technological advances and an overwhelmingly green culture, the worst of global warming has been averted, natural habitat has been preserved and expanded, and some formerly extinct animals, including the woolly mammoth and the passenger pigeon, freely roam Earth once more. Technology advances furiously along, yielding practical, efficient fusion reactors before 2150, giving humankind virtually unlimited power at home and opening up practical space travel. With continuous acceleration from fusion drives, travel at relativistic speeds has become possible; hence, the nearest star systems are only decades away, putting them in reach of a single personís lifespan, particularly since nanotech has revolutionized healthcare, making a human lifespan of 120 fairly standard, with the tantalizing possibility of finally understanding aging as a disease and being able to drastically slow, stop, or even reverse it. The entire solar system is colonized with mining in the asteroid belt yielding enormous resources for the ever-expanding human footprint. A sufficiently Earth-like planet has been found in the Goldilocks zone of Alpha Centauri-A and plans for terraforming it are nearly complete. Many millions of fusion-powered drones are exploring the galaxy; as they do not need to slow down to explore a given solar system, they continue going very, very quickly and our knowledge of the cosmic neighborhood is growing exponentially. One probe sent a single picture of what appeared to be artificial structures of a planet in a nearby star system before the probe mysteriously went off-line.

SCENARIO 4: Global terrorism provokes wars between nations across the globe: China vs. India, Iran vs. Saudi Arabia, The Russian Federation vs. the EU, Nigeria vs. Egypt, Argentina vs. Brazil, etc. Quite by accident in a military lab in the USA, which officially is neutral in the great wars, scientists make the breakthrough for warp drive, with undreamed of faster-than-light speeds enabling humans to travel the diameter of the solar system in a day, with even greater speeds theoretically possible. Because hydrogen bombs have destroyed many of the worldís great cities and dramatically increased background radiation, the remaining humans largely abandon Earth, which slowly reverts to a natural state. Scientists are speculating that some of the surviving great apes will eventually follow the course of human evolution in a general sense. The few remaining humans live in cities shielded from the radiation, while old growth forests cover most of the planet.

SCENARIO 5: Trump calls off the 2020 elections and declares himself leader for life; following a meek struggle, America largely assents. Jews, immigrants, LGBTQ persons, the very poor, journalists, prominent feminists and intellectuals, and many others are portrayed as ďthe enemies of the people,Ē rounded up, killed on the spot or sent to concentration camps or simply disappear. This time, humanity ends in 2025 instead of the mid-25th century. The planet is so irradiated by the wars that all multicellular life forms are killed and only a few extremophile bacteria remain. By the time the radiation has died down sufficiently for life to attempt to recolonize the planet, the Sun has begun its exit from the main sequence, is burning helium, and expanding into a red giant, first expanding beyond the orbit of Mercury, then even Venus. Massive solar flares regularly strike the surface of the earth, which has already been sterilized for millennia. The solar flares blast away the remnants of an atmosphere, the remnants of the oceans, and eventually, the crust and mantle of the earth, leaving a Mercury-like planetary core as the innermost planet.

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