United Essentan nations

Earlier today, Yeark Da Shark strategically seized the headquarters of The UEN Newspixel with cunning tactics. He barged in and T-posed to assert dominance. His demands are as follows: "Give I buffet now!". As you can see, this is clearly inhumane and poses a massive threat to the nation. A team of elite monkeys were sent in to neutralise this threat. They came out with bananas moments later, clearly happy horrified and traumatised for life. The government was forced to negotiate with the terrorist over a zoom meeting call. The conversation went of follows:

Diplomat: We can't give you what you demand, but we can give you one strip of bacon.
Yeark: Two strips.
Diplomat: You've gone too far! We can't do that!
Yeark: Nowwww.
Diplomant: Never!
Yeark: Or else.
Diplomat: Do your worst!
Yeark: I will seize a spinny chair.
Diplomat: You wouldn't dare!
Yeark: I taking it.
Diplomat: Alright! We give in! Two strips of bacon it is fatty!
Yeark: Apologise or spinny chair gets it.
Diplomat: Sowwy.
Yeark: Properly.
Diplomat: Noe.

This went on for a few hours and remains unresolved. We will keep you updated as the situation develops. How are we sending this if Yeark has seized our HQ? Uhh...FAST LOOK AN ALIEN! *Running*

People missing

Several people in the region have gone missing, but not because of Yeark, that's another list. All of these people that have gone missing did so following a message telling them that they missed their Spanish lesson from an owl called "Duolingo" and occasionally a message warning them of a "Duolingo" breaking through the back door. Inside a building marked "Duolingo Punishment Building", the words "Scream for help in Spanish" could be heard followed by screaming in a foreign language, but nobody could understand it, so nobody cares. There are no current leads for who could or would do this. The only statement the police could give was "This person must be stopped, and we are putting our full effort in, there are definitely no clues or leads, we've been through everything.".

Attack of the wacky inflatable tube man

A man has been assaulted by an inflatable tube man on a windy day. He says that he was walking down the street past the 'Overpriced Second Hand Cars' store when a wacky inflatable tube man hit him. The man tried to counterattack but the tube man dodged the attack and tackled the man to the ground with the immense force equivalent to an air conditioner. The man attempted to call police but the tube man knocked it out of his hand and went into a frenzy of dangerous waving. Onlookers attempted to restrain the maniac but he leaned back and charged into them, sending the crowd all the way a couple centimetres to the ground. It was clear that this menace should not be messed with. Police were called onto the scene and tackled the tube man and had to resort to tasering the inflatable tube man, but this didn't even work, the police had to fire some bullets into him after which he deflated. He is now in police custody. His reasons for attack are unknown, but he is being sued for aggravated assault. The victim of the attack says he is traumatised and may never recover. We will keep you updated on the lawsuit as it progresses.