The South PacificBoard

Krill Grill, Inc CEO Maddie Hildegard on "Southern Nougat-Orange Treacle™".

Just two years ago trade was bustling between the tropical island paradise and the Antarctic dominion. At the Aumeltopian Business Roundtable, Krill Grill's CEO used a prime speaking spot to tout "the blossoming Volaworand/Aumeltopia business relationship." Volaworandian ice clinked in almost every glass of Aumeltopian South Pacific Ice Tea.

Those days are gone.

On Thursday, Hildegard took time out of her Spa week at Shackleton Mountain Resort to address Krill Grill's investor video conference. Initially ignoring the Aumeltopia story, she highlighted the strong quarterly results, the VWP/Kentucky Fried Penguin's "SPIT is a Special Treat" campaign, the hot new Pokemon toy promotion with Kids SNOT Meals, and the company's growing international expansions in North prarie, Techganet, and Martigues. But she didn't include Aumeltopia in that group, unlike the big deal she used to make about their work together.

The SPIT wars have a complicated history. As the wild Ice Age came to an end, a more civilized Volaworand emerged and started making, and then exporting, its own more refined variety of SPIT. Volaworandian South Pacific Iced Tea was indeed based off the sweeter, tropical Aumeltopian South Pacific Ice Tea, but has always been a smoother, less pulpy drink.

The ice trade went into meltdown and trouble was brewing in Tea market. Internet conspiracy sites stirred the pot by trying to tie Aumeltopia to the Uranium One deal, but those stories were rightly debunked by the mainstream media. Aumeltopia made some moves of its own, rebranding the original logo and introducing health-conscious versions of SPIT, and even issued a RMB coupon to address weak tea market share. It wasn't until they opened a subsidiary in nearby Techganet that the SPIT dispute boiled over into a hot mess.

When the Volaworand Antarctic College released a study showing dangerous levels of bacteria and contamination in Aumeltopian SPIT and other imported food, the Aumeltopian spin doctors attacked the venerable institution and announced a their own knock off of the Southern Nutty Original Treat, a Volaworandian favorite.

"At we wish to reaffirm and reassure to our subsidiary in Techganet that Aumeltopian SPIT contains no health or any other hazards, and that recent studies by the so-called "Volaworand Antarctic Collge" are complete nonsense. If that 'collge' cannot even spell their name correctly, they cannot be a trusted source. Clearly, with their recent attacks on Techganet and Aumeltopia, their only aim is to denigrate nations and corporations not buying Volaworandian SPIT and force them into a Volaworandian penguinite monopoly. We welcome Techganet's officials to anytime visit our domestic Aumeltopian factories to see for themselves what ridiculous claims Volaworand has been making."

"Finally, today we are introducing a competitor to Volaworand's Southern Nutty Original Treat, which as its own study suggests has not fared well in contamination tests. Our new Southern Nougat-Orange Treacle™ is guaranteed to be the stickiest, chewiest, syrupiest goodness you have laid your mouth on yet."

The comments outraged the Volawrandian Society of Cunning Linguists, who defended the spelling in Old Volawor as perfectly acceptable in Volaworandian Academia. Scientists protested that Aumeltopia misrepresented the results, pointing out the clear evidence of dangerous contamination of imported Aumeltopian products. Angry citizens in Faraday threw Aumeltopian SPIT into the harbor, demanding "a halt to dangerous imports". The Government is convening an emergency session to find a way to cool the tempest of the teacup .

Hildegard concerned about high Dolphin Fecal Content in Aumeltopian SPIT.

During the investor call, Kirs Matterne asked Hildegard if it would be possible for Aumeltopia and Volaworand to "come back together on behalf of customers."

Hildegard said Aumeltopia has "lost it's magic" and reiterated her concerns over the safety of Aumeltopian South Pacific Iced Tea.

"It's not the exciting place it used to be. It still has great energy; I still put my finger in the socket. But it doesn't feel alive, cracking with that synergy between the art world and music world and fashion world that was happening in the 80s. A lot of people have died."

She then launched the next salvo in the SPIT war, a splashy television ad campaign during 'NationStates 79th World Cup' with Bigtopia superstar Manelle Jonae. She implied Aumeltopian SPIT was a historical footnote.

"While we respect and admire their pioneering development of the local SPIT trade, the markets are telling us that Volaworandian SPIT is the choice of a new generation. Krill Grill's focus is on introducing the cuisine of the South Pacific to the global market. We believe our aggressive business plan is the right choice for our customers, investors and business partners."

She paused and added "Our SPIT is a Special Treat".

For more information about Kentucky Fried Penguin, please visit Kentucky Fried Penguin on the Global Economics and Trade Board.

- Volaworand Newswire

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What is this?

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