*Opens the large Reservations book, and runs his finger down the page.*
Ah. Yes. We've a great room for you. Views over the pool.
*He turns, and takes a key from the hooks behind reception.*
Here's your key.
*He waves to the bellhop, who comes to collect the bags*
*Tells you the price*.
We can take credit cards, cheques, or cash.
*He takes the credit card machine from the shelf below the desk, and places it on the surface. He accepts the credit card, and places it snuggly onto the flatbed of the machine. From a small box he takes one of the carbon copy booklets, and carefully places it over the card. He swipes the roller firmly to the right, and then back again, imprinting the details onto the paper. He picks the paper off the machine, and, using a ballpoint pen, fills in the date, and amount, and writes "room" in the "description" box. He hands it to the customer to sign.*
If you would sign on the line please.
*The machine is returned to the shelf under the reception desk.
When the slip has been signed, he quickly checks the signature against the one on the back of the card. Satisfied, he tears off the top copy of the paper, and holds it out to the customer along with the card.*
Your card and copy.
*signs card* thank you very much, my good man. *grabs his card and goes to his room to get settled in*
Panian, Dhelerum, and Angus macgyver
Right way boss.
*Slides a glass of Burgie down the bar.*
The Sands Casino, Angus macgyver, and Howard beale
So are any of you guys interested in racing?
The Fourth Annual
Royal Ass Côte Races
Tuesday 16th to Saturday 20th June 2020
Maurice Sendup, King of All Wild Things, is proud to host the fourth annual Royal Ass Côte Races.
Named after the wild donkeys that run free along its diamond sands, the Ass Côte is home to some of Where the Wild Things Are's most spectacular scenery.
Encouraged with carrots, wild donkeys dash across the sands, competing to be crowned ‘Royal Ass of the Year’.
Sponsor a Donkey
Until the 16th June, a limited number of nations may sponsor a donkey on a first-come, first-served basis. The sponsors may choose a name for their donkey, which will be painlessly tattooed on the animal. Want-to-be sponsors should telegram All Wild Things with the name that they would like tattooed on their ass.
Back Up Your Ass
From Tuesday 16th to Saturday 20th June, all nations are invited to Where the Wild Things Are to cheer for their favourite donkey via our open-to-all poll. The donkey with the most support will be crowned ‘Royal Ass of the Year’.
Players may use puppets to vote for more than one donkey, but it is prohibited to use puppets to vote more than once for the same donkey. Any idiot can stuff a poll using puppets. The challenge here is to convince as many real people as possible to support your donkey.
The sponsor funds raised will go to preserving the pristine Ass Côte for perpetuity as a nature reserve.
Watch the Live Action!
Read the 2020 commentary
Eighty-five nations supported Royal Ass Côte 2019
Read the 2019 commentary
View the 2019 results.
One hundred and eighty-eight nations supported Royal Ass Côte 2018
Read the 2018 commentary
View the 2018 results.
Ninety-nine nations supported Royal Ass Côte 2017
Watch the 2017 opening ceremony
Read the 2017 commentary
View the 2017 results
Sponsors so far:
Distance ran (furlongs)
Maksim the Moscow Mule
Mother of the Mojave
The Wild Behind
Angus macgyver and El Grenitadia
Out front of the sands, near the entrance, sirens can be heard as police cars and secret service cars pull up. They begin to secure the area and move guests away from the entrance. As this is happening, a Presidential motorcade with President Kennedy is on its way.
Eyes the approaching President and then goes back to gambling on the races
President Kennedy hops out of the car and walks into the building. He walks to the front desk and asks for a room.
The Chairman of The Board and Dhelerum
*Watches from the bar nearly dropping a glass.*
Oh God if he gets sick off a drink I'm done for...
Pretty average Frank. Ever since the assassination attempt life’s been going downhill. I’ve finally convinced the secret service it’s safe for me to go out and I thought I’d come here. I’m considering resigning and letting Johnson take over as President. Anyway, you own this joint?
Afraid I don't - erm - friends of mine do. Me and the pack headline here once in a while and I'm good friends with management here; helping out when I can. Glad you were able to make it out for a visit. Care to visit the gaming floor?
The Legion of Mankind, Dhelerum, and President j f kennedy