Get your own tools you freeloader. We work for those things, now scram before we look tough at you.
Here, do you take US bills? *pulls out briefcase* how much you want for a tip?
30 bucks are double the retail price.
You haul out a briefcase full of cash and somehow you expect me to estimate the value of my tip at less than that briefcase full of cash? Just hand the whole shebang over now, please.
*opens suitcase* *begins handing wads of 100 dollar bills*
*holds out hand expectantly*
Who the hell are you.
He swindled Azathoth so...
Hello, everyone! Greetings from the GAR!
I mean, there's more money in this suitcase. How much is my tab?
What can you play, Beethoven, Debussy, Bach, Rush E?
The Witness momentarily stirs from their nap, sniffing the air.
I smell.. Pine. Oak. All sorts of wood. Tree expulsions. Did a forest magically sprout up nearby? Or are you trying out air fresheners? Not sure if I like it.
Oh, sorry that was me *points at tree scented candles around bar* someone brought them in so I decided to light them on fire because candles. Also put those books away, I'm not interested in "eternal life" I've seen enough.
Singlapore falls through a hole in the ceiling
Well hi there, nice to see new faces around here. Have a seat someone should be around. Oh and let me go over etiquette, don't go in; The basement or the bathrooms. Really anywhere outside of the dining room, don't talk to cheffy stay out of Zombie Penguins' way, and if you want to tip brocklandia give him a bar of chocolate. Oh and here's the menu.
Special thanks to the Owner, New Jermany, and the original menu compiler, La cucaracha 2.
Suppliers listed by letter beside item.
Mountain Dew (E)
Spiced Root Beer (F)
Other Soda Products (UA)
Sparkling Cider (F)
Deuterium Tea (E)
Various Fruit Juices
Oteshknir Lemonades (D)
Asiatic Pennywort Juice (MD), Made of pennywort, sugar, and water.
Immaculate IQ Brew (O)
Spaghetti Root Beer (MP)
Hot Tea (LE)
Purple Drank (MP)
Kopitiam Coffee (S), Singaporean
Teh Tarik (S), Singaporean
(Flavors: Normal, Fly Fermented, Chocolate Chip, Peanut butter Cookie Dough, Cookie Dough)
Hydro Cola (SC)
Donk Colaİ (NB)
Maximum Energy+++İ (NB)
All Beverages above are $1.50, except water, which is free, and Butterbeer, which is $5.
All Beverages above are also freely refillable, except the Spiced Root Beer (bottled).
Ice provided by (SR)
Try our official bar cigarettes, Carp Classicİ (NB)!
Grudgingly Served and Mixed by our assorted barkeeps
-Olde Thyme Herbed Beer (F)
-Gallast Point Craft Beer (P)
-Al Fredo's Mexican Beer (F)
-William's British Beer
-The Shnozzlefoam (A)
-Nedewsilan Stout (ND)
-Guinness Stout (G)
-Frozen Gunsian Artillery Beer (FG)
-Bohemia Dark Beer (TU)
Ales, Mead: $3/Bottle
-Manfreid's Olde Style Ale (F)
-Ted McBlarney's Honey Mead (F)
-Nedewsilan Ale (ND)
-Commenwealth Ale (NK)
-Farmland Ale (GI), Mostly swill, tastes nice if you like grainy ale.
-Creamed Honey Ale (GI)
-Lusty Imperator Velvet Ale (GI), WARNING: Will get you hammered and flirting with everything.
-Honey-Scots Mead (SC)
Wines: $8/Glass, Champagne $10/Glass
-Fleur d'Alaine French Champagne
-Fleur d'Alaine French Wine
-Henry's Californian Wine
-North Novodmitrovsk Chenin Blanc (P)
-Nedewsilan Vintage 1966 Pinot Blanc (ND)
-Nedewsilan Vintage 1666 Pinot Noir (ND)
-Dark Side Brandy (NK)
-Barossa Symphony (WR)
-Barossa Harmony (WR)
-Barossa Shiraz (WR)
-Vinho do Porto (PM)
-Clocktower Sherry (FG)
-Civitas illa Fortis Hinterland Wine (GI)
-Nightshade Wine (GI), WARNING: consuming more than one wine glass within half an hour of each other will result in death.
-Vinum in Deos (GI), Tastes like HEAVEN.
-Rikijistani Wine (RK), Here's a sample.
-Balderas House Bordeaux Wine (TU)
Loud and unexplainable noises are heard from the kitchen, like chanting and a kraken cowering in fear.
This goes on for about an hour and drives all but the bravest guests out of the bar.
The bartender walks out, drink in hand.
The drink itself is of a neon purple color, giving off a faint aura.
If one get close to it, can hear whispers of the damned as it fizzes.
Some of the fizz drips and hits the ground, melting spots of the floor like acid.
Hard Cider, Hard Drinks: $4/Bottle
-Hard Apple Cider
-"Nectar" (FF), Has a different effect every time it's served, from teleporting people to space to knocking out even gods.
-Captain Jorgan's Spiced Rum (F)
-Morgan Dankman's Bathtub Brew (B)
-Spaghetti Rum-Grog Float (MP)
-Musheenan Medronho (PM)
-Frozen Azure Gin (FG)
-Coastal Rum (GI)
-Don Q Rum (SS)
Whiskeys: $3/Glass, $4 On The Rocks
-Alfred Hick's Moonshine (We are not responsible for anything that happens to you after consuming this drink)
-McFargan's Irish Whiskey (F)
-Brown Royal Canadian Whiskey (AA)
-Golden Oak Whiskey (FG)
-Oteshknirian Fruit Liqueurs (D, Any fruit flavor)
-Archifel Cream Liqueur (D)
-Concussion (DV), $2/8oz. Chocolate flavored, smells like fizzy water, strength of rubbing alcohol. We're not responsible if you almost die.
-Polish Wodka (E)
-Latka's Russian Wodka (F)
-Tsar Vodka (MM)
-Spirytus Vodka (N), Not for faint of heart (95-96% alcohol)!
-Iron Star Vodka (FG)
-Vodka Numerta (NE)
-Joliquil (FO), Here's a sample!
-The Pleasure of Russians (EK), Only the strongest can handle!
-The Choral (EK), Don't take this one if you don't want people to hear you singing!
Tequila: $4/Shot, $25/Bottle
-Al Fredo's Authentic Tequila (F)
-Teesore Tequila (D)
-Mexican Lady (AG), Tequila shot with chili powder and a jalapeno on the bottom.
Cocktails & Mixes: $5/Glass
-Halley Brand Sangria (D)
-Cadam Orolla Mangria (D)
-Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (DC) Feels similar to "having your brains smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick." DO NOT consume more than 2.
-Dark and Stormy (B)
-Sidecar (R), Cognac/Lemon Juice/Triple sec.
-Florida Cocktail (SE), Gin/Cherry Brandy/Triple Sec/Orange & Lemon Juice
-Kir Royal (GG), Creme de Cassis/Chilled Champagne
-Oilwhisk (PN), Petroleum/strong whiskey (oil replaceable with Vodka/Beer for humans/others)
-The DND (Drunk and Disorderly)(DD), Merlot w/Maraschino liquor & Chardonnay w/Chartreuse. For $5 extra, you'll be drunkenly serenaded.
Custom mixes and cocktails available on request, $5+
Lovingly Crafted/Supplied by the Head Cook La cucaracha 2
Appetizers: $5 Per Plate
-Garlic Fries (F)
-Regular Fries (TV)
-Soggy, Beer-Soaked Fries
-Mozzarella Sticks (D)
-Garlic Breadsticks (D)
-DEWRITOS (E), served by bag
-Wolf Island Cod and Salmon (WR)
Burgers, Sandwiches: $7 Per Burger. Toppings can be chosen at will, supplied by (F).
-Heart Attack Burger
-Garlic Burger w/ Swiss Cheese
-The Sloppy Joe (A), ONLY $5!
-Cheeseburgeritos (UF). Technically burritoes, but I'm putting them here anyway.
-Semiconductors Sandwich (IM)
-Sand Sandwich (IM), ONLY $1! Literally made of sand.
-Soggy Pizza, $5
-Dorito Pizza (B)(Cool Ranch Dorito topped pizza), $6
-Spaghetti Pizza (L), $5.50
-Slightly Burnt Hot Dog, $5
-Unidentifiable bits of Seafood, $7/plate
-Actually Appetizing Seafood plate (F), $10/plate
-Bowl of Chili with Probably Illegal Ingredients, $5/Bowl
-Pan-fried Mystery Meat, $5/plate (HOUSE SPECIAL)
-Franconian BBQ Ribs, $7
-Franconian BBQ Steak, $7
-Franconian BBQ Pork, $7
-Chinese Chicken Wonton Salad (F), $7
-"Heavenly" Chicken Pot Pie (DV), $7
-Chicken Pot Pain Pie (PD), $7
-Bourbon Chicken (PD), $5
-Dorito Soup (B)(Doritos in Mountain Dew), $5
-Beef Eye-Fillet marinated with Googolsian Smokey-Sweet Honey-Tomato Barbecue Sauce (O), $10
-Russia Surprise (IM), $20. No, I have no idea what it is.
-Flank Steak w/ Mint Jelly (SE), $10
-Instant Noodles (LH), $3
-Fish and Chips (TV), $7, 2 pieces of trout and some fries.
-Lasagna (ML), $10
-Tamales (SP), $10
-Bavarian Pretzels (RK), $8 each, Available in Classic, Nacho Cheese, and Jalapeño Cheddar.
-New England Lobster (FM), $5
-Zesty Envelopes (GT), $6/plate. Basically envelope-shaped raviolis.
-Sushi (SA), $5
-Ramen (SA), $1
-Dzokhveshi (CO), $13. Served hot. T-bone steak beef stews, including beans, carrots, potatoes, and covered in paprika and dutch cheese.
Breakfasts: $5 Per Plate
-EGGS (LH), Served any way
-French Toast (SP)
Other Food Plates: $5 Per Plate
-Fruit Plate (F)
-Corn Plate (F)
-Bell Pepper Plate (DC)
-Fruit Cup (SP), $3
-Whiskey Cake (P), $3/slice, $15/cake
-Half-melted Ice Cream Cone, $3.50
-Butter Stick (B), $2.50
-THE BLACK HOLE SUNDAE (MP), $5
-Kleicha (AZ), $5/bowl
-Pound Cake (SP), $6
-Pies (RK), any flavor, $3/slice, $12/whole
-Bananas Foster (DD), $5
-Hair Cake (GY), $5, Right off the chef's head!
"Ethnic" Foods: Chineses, Japanese, and Korean Dishes Described Here, all supplied by (M)
Others subject to different suppliers.
-Corned Beef Sandwich (I)
-Irish Stew (I)
Chinese Dai-pai-dong Menu:
-Hong Sha Rou (braised pork), $5
-Char Siu Baozi (Char Siu steamed buns), $4/3 pcs.
-Peking Duck Baozi (Peking duck curry steamed buns), $4/3 pcs.
-General Tso's Chicken (orange chicken), $5
-Congyoubing (green onion fried pancakes), $6
-Spring Roll, $3/3 pcs.
-Fengzhua (steamed chicken feet), $3
-Youtiao (deep fried dough), $2
Japanese Izakaya Menu:
-Edamame (steamed soybeans), $2
-Chicken Karaage, $5 w/ choice of condiments: wasabi, ginger, vinegar, or soy sauce.
-Sashimi (slices of raw fish), $20/10 slices
-Agedashi Tofu, $2
-Chicken Yakitori (chicken skewers), $3, $5 w/ Liver
-Yakitori (grilled skewers of assorted items), $2, $3 w/ octopus&squid, $4 w/ Miso butterfish
Korean Anju Menu:
-Haemul Pajeon (seafood fried pancake), $8
-Soondae (blood sausage), $3/12 pcs.
-Yangnyeom Chicken, $10/10 wing set
-Tteokbokki (spicy rice cake), $3, $5 w/ Cheese
-Dubu Kimchi (sauteed kimchi and tofu), $3
-Jokbal (boiled pig feet), $8
-Beondaegi (fried silkworm), $2, not for the faint of heart
-Yukhoe (dish of raw beef), $20, $22 w/ Raw Egg
-Mandoo (fried dumplings), $4/6 pcs.
Singaporean Menu: (S), $7 for dish
-Char Kway Teow
-Bak Chor Mee
Middle Eastern Menu: (DD), $5 per dish
-Stuffed grape leaves
-Hummus, tabouleh, baba ganoush served with pita bread
-Lamb/beef meat pies
(A): The Puppet of Aglore
(AA): Alteria ambassador
(AG): Agora, The Imperial Union of Iescech
(AZ): The Commonwealth of Azikoria
(CO): Czervenia and ostregals
(D): The Interstellar Empire of Drawkland
(DC): Disobeyedcargo, The fields of asphodel
(DD): The 12% Proof Protectorate of Drunkndisorderly
(E): Europe Number 1, Dewritolia
(FF): Fabulously fabulous
(FG): The Holy Inactive Main Account of Frozen Guns
(FM): The Republic of The Former State of Massachusetts
(FO): The Imperium of Foledonia
(GI): Grande impero
(I): The irish trading company
(IM): The iron masons
(L): Lazy Nomads, Bristol pizza crew
(LE): New constitution of lost earth
(ML): Megaland union
(MM): -mr money-
(MP): Mao pingpong
(MW): Mayfair republic of wizards
(NB): The Never-Ending Holo-Story of Neobeam
(NK): New kraken, Commonwealth Distillery and Microbrewery
(O): One Big Island, Googolsia
(PM): Portugal, Musheena
(PN): The Planetary Landmass of Pax Nerdvana
(PD): Pain dealer
(S): Singapore, The Celestial Empire of Bathor
(SA): The Little Spanish Dinosaurs of Saurisa
(SC): The Overpopulated Dynasty of Scottian Commonwealth
(SE): Special Equestrian Zone, Loxahatchi
(SP): Sacred pineapple
(SR): Stynefeld ruhr
(SS): Saint spain
(ST): Santana tucuruvi
(TU): The Renovated Empire of Turealia
(TV): Tribaria, Vaecaria
(UA): United areas of conservatives
(UF): United furry alliance
(WR): Wolves republic
-none-: Just materializes in the Bar via the magical supply trolls. Supposedly The NationStates Grocery Store is the source.
I didn't take you for the champagne type.
Well I'm not going to drink something that tastes like dirt and I can't have a cosmopolitan because A: I have a respect for the bartenders and B: I'm wearing a suit and tie.
I myself prefer a nice screwdriver.