*Meanwhile, in Pen City, Pensyltuckee Island....*
*A man is driving his 1987 PITCO pickup down the dirt road.*
Man: *sing-songy* "Just a-drivin' down the road. On my daily beer run. A-gonna chug it all down. When the Sun goes-"
*The engine sputters to a stop.*
Man: "Ah, dammit....." *hops out of the truck and opens up the hood* "Let's see what the hell the matter is...."
*A short while later.....*
Man: *pulls his head out of the engine bay* "Huh, clogged gas line was all that was.. damn little beetle... how the hell'd you get in there anyhow? Eh." *shuts the hood* *looks around* "Where the hell am I....."
*He looks all around and sees nothing but flat fields of corn.*
Man: "I coulda swore I was in a forest.... on a dirt road......... lord, this is the flattest, most openest land I ever did see...." *shrugs* *hops back in and drives off*
*A short while later......*
Man: "Hot damn, the Pensyltuckee Island government finally musta fixed all them roads. This here road's the smoothest riding one I've ever been on. But what in the hell happened to all the vehicles?" *looks around, seeing many modern cars* "I ain't never seen these typesa vehicles before..." *looks at the vehicle in front of him* "Niss... Niss-san Ver-sa. Huh..." *glances at the license plate* "Iowa? Whew, lordy, you come a long way."
*He spies something in the distance.*
Man: "Lookie there. A store. Don't look like no Hop-In,Hop-Out.......... Shell? There ain't too many of those in Pensyltuckee." *glances at the gas prices* "Oh lordy." *pats the dashboard* "Sorry pal. A-gonna have to fill you up some other day. This here's fuel prices is gonna run my money supplies dry."
*He pulls into the parking lot of the Shell gas station."
Man: "I hope the Johnson Beer here's cheaper than the gasoline and diesel." *shuts the door and walks into teh store* "Whoa.............. this place is the shiniest, newest store I've ever seen." *turns to the cashier* "You run a good establishment here, y'know that?" *walks to the beer aisle* *glances over the beers* *mumbles to self* "What the hell's all this......" *turns back to the cashier* "Ya'll got any Johnson Beer?"
Man: "Johnson Beer. Pert near every place in the entire country has it."
Cashier: *shrugs* "Never heard of it."
Man: "Oh... alrighty then. Thank ya anyhow." *whispers to self* "No Johnson Beer... how can such a seemingly good, modern establishment have no Johnson Beer?" *looks back through the beers* "I never hearda any of these.... I reckon I'll take this Bud-we-iser. Seen it in some places and it looks close enough to Johnson...."
*He picks up a box and walks to the counter.*
Man: "Howdy. I'd like to buy some a this Bud-we-iser."
Cashier: "ID. You already look old enough to be 40 or 50, but I've already been busted once for selling without looking at ID."
Man: *pulls out his wallet* "There ya go." *hands the man a Pensyltuckee Island driver's license*
Cashier: *looks at the license* "Pensyltuckee Island?"
Man: "Yessir. Pensyltuckee Island."
Cashier: "Okay then......... You're old enough anyway." *hands the license back*
Man: "What'll that be? I forgot to check that little ole price tag."
Cashier: "Ah... I'll be honest with you. Business here has been slow lately. I'll just take whatever you can afford."
Man: "Alrighty." *places a coin on the counter* *heads to the door* "Thank ya. You have a nice day, y'hear?"
Cashier: *waves him goodbye* "Nice man... little strange though...." *picks up the coin and looks at it* "Pensyltuckee Island......" *scratches his head* "Must be some sorta hidden camera show or something...." *shrugs* *puts the coin in his pocket*
*Meanwhile, back on the road.....*
Man: *driving* "No Johnson, but I sure do hope this Budweiser's nice." *notices an entry ramp in the distance* "Huh?" *sees a highway* "Oh lord, that's a lotta vehicles." *pulls onto the entry ramp* *looks at the highway* "What is this road....... why are they all going so fast...... well, the new road is mighty smooth. I reckon they wanna have a bitta fun or something." *pulls onto the highway and begins catching up with traffic*
*The needle gets near the end of the PITCO speedometer gauge, which only goes up to 75 mph.*
Man: "Oooh, lordy......." *continues going down the highway*
*A very short while later....*
Man: "This ain't so hard. Road's one a the straightest and flattest I ever seen.. just gotta stay in this lane, I reckon..."
*Flashing lights appear behind him.*
Man: "Pen City Police? Now that's right odd." *looks back in the mirror* "Huh, they got themselves different cars than I remember.... well, they do have a habit of using whatever's available." *pulls over to the shoulder*
*A cop hops out of the Crown Vic and walks over to the truck.*
Man: "Howdy there, officer."
Cop: "Hello sir. Do you know why I pulled you over today?"
Man: "I reckon you want some money."
Cop: "Excuse me?"
Man: "Oh, don't be shy. All them Pen City Po-lice is always lookin' for money. But I ain't got much on me today."
Cop: "We're not in Pen City. I'll have to give you a warning for attempting to bribe a police officer."
Man: "I figured as much. Don't look much like Pen City. Where is this anyhow?"
Cop: "The state of Iowa. And you, sir, have a fake license plate on."
Man: "Iowa? Fake license plate? Sir, that's a genuine Pensyltuckee Island license plate."
Cop: "Sir, your custom pickup truck does not mean you can run a fake license plate on your vehicle."
Man: "Oh, it ain't no custom homemade. It's made by the PITCO Company. Been in Springfield, Pensyltuckee Island since 1762, but they've only been making vehicles since about the 1970's, I believe."
Cop: "Sir, do you actually believe we are in some place called "Pensyltuckee Island"?"
Man: "Officer, I know you said we's in Iowa, but we ain't in Iowa. We's in Pensyltuckee Island.. ain't we?"
Cop: *sighs* "Sir, I'm gonna have to place you under arrest for-"
Man: "Arrest? I ain't going to the Springfield Penitentiary. What the hell's gotten into you Pen City Police?!!"
Cop: "Sir, you are under arr-"
Man: "Here, take all my money!!" *tosses a large amount of Pensyltuckian money out the window* *drives off*
Cop: "Wait!!!" *takes his radio* "Requesting backup. We have a runaway driver on the highway. He is a man in his 40's or 50's driving a blue custom pickup truck that says "PITCO" on the tailgate and running a fake license plate that says "Pensyltuckee Island"." *begins running back to his car* *stops* "Better pick up this money as evidence..." *picks up some money* *looks at one after realizing they don't look normal* "Pensyltuckee Island? How crazy do you have to be..." *scratches his head* *hops back in his patrol car and takes off*
*A short while later.....*
*Several police cars are on his tail.*
Man: "What the hell's going on here?!!" *frantically looks around* "Wait a minute... wait a minute..." *looks around at all the license plates* "Good lord, maybe I am in Iowa.... how the hell did I get to Iowa?" *looks back in his rear view mirror at the police on his tail* "Well, I ain't going to no Iowa prison. I'm a-gonna leave Iowa if it's the last thing I do!" *drives off the highway and smashes into a cornfield, with the police following behind him*
*He smashes through the entire cornfield.*
*The truck gets stuck right at the edge.*
Man: "Aah!!! Shoot!!" *quickly gets out and starts running to the road, which is dirt* *is looking back the entire time* *starts looking forward again*
*He sees that he's about to run straight into a policeman standing by a cop car.*
Man: "Aaaahhh!!!" *slips on the dirt road and falls*
Policeman: *eating a slice of chess pie and drinking Buck Cola* *looks down at the man* "Lonnie? What the hell are you doing, Lonnie?
Man: *looks up and realizes it's a Pen City policeman standing next to a Pen City Police owned 1965 Impala* *looks around*
*He is on a dirt road next to a cornfield with a "Pensyltuckee Fried Chicken" just down the street.*
Man: *gasps* "I ain't in Iowa no more!!!" *gets up and hops up and down* "I ain't in Iowa!!! I ain't in Iowa!!!" *hugs the police officer* "Tom, I ain't in Iowa no more!!!!"
Policeman: *confused* "Okay, Lonnie... That's true.... You ain't in Iowa..."
Man: *stands back* *sighs happily* "Tom..."
Man: "You think you might could, uh..." *looks back at his truck by the edge of the cornfield* "Might could get my truck outta that cornfield?"
Policeman: "Sure could. I reckon you oughtta pay that corn farmer back for the corn you damaged."
Man: "I reckon I oughtta.... ah, it's good to be back..." *starts walking back to the truck*
Policeman: *confused* *whispers to self* "What's happened to Lonnie...."
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2014 - 1. Fun Fact: During the 2012 apocalypse, in Pen Island, there was a large thunderstorm going on and winds of up to 70 miles an hour. There was also very minor flooding(1-2 inches) in the coastal towns.
Sunday, October 5th, 2014 - 3. Fun Fact: Pen Island doesn't have a minimum wage.
Tuesday, October 7th, 2014 - 4. Fun Fact: The tallest building in Pen Island is a 28 story hotel called 'Pirogue' that is located in Pen City and is 303 feet tall. It is rated 5 stars among international standards and costs 97 Bucks a night (291 US dollars).
Thursday, October 9th, 2014 - 5. Fun Fact: I found out that it's actually spelled 'Arkansas' in 5th grade. Before that, I used the spelling 'Arkansaw'. I still do actually. :P Despite the fact that I know it's wrong.
Sunday, October 12th, 2014 - 6. Fun Fact: 84% of goods sold in Pen Island are made in Pen Island.
Wednesday, October 15th, 2014 - 7. Fun Fact: 2,328 Pen Island citizens do not have names.
Wednesday, October 15th, 2014 - 8. Fun Fact: One of Pen Island's generals is named Peter Sherman.
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 - 9. Fun Fact: When I was almost done typing up my issue, I decided to go look at another tab real quick and accidently closed the Nationstates tab. I then had to retype the entire thing.
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 - 10. Fun Fact: Whaling, according to the Pen Island government, is technically still legal.
Monday, October 20th, 2014 - 12. Fun Fact: During Lifetime Wellness at school, when we're in the classroom instead of the gym(we sometimes go into the classroom to do... class things), there are 2 chipmunks that live right outside the window, which I stare at when I'm bored.
Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014 - 13. Fun Fact: Despite having only 10 towns spread out over 35,039 square miles, Pen Island has 2,419 churches.
Thursday, October 23rd, 2014 - 14. Fun Fact: Canned armadillo meat exists in Pen Island. As well as canned possum meat, canned deer meat, canned coon meat, canned frog, canned coyote meat, canned squirrel........
Sunday, October 26th, 2014 - 16. Fun Fact: I enjoy picking and eating hackberries. Plus they're pretty common around here so....
Sunday, October 26th, 2014 - 17. Fun Fact: English is the most widespread language in Pen Island, with over 2,955,000 native speakers. The 2nd most widespread language in Pen Island is Scottish Gaelic, with about 3,000 native speakers.
Tuesday, October 28th, 2014 - 18. Fun Fact: There are an estimated 9 million armadillos in Pen Island.
Sunday, November 2nd, 2014 - 19. Fun Fact: Pen Island has no gated communities or subdivisions.
Thursday, November 6th, 2014 - 20. Fun Fact: Here is how I got the idea for a nation named Pen Island. Last school year, at the beginning of the year, we had to basically pretend that we were going to make an American colony. So like another 1 of the 13 colonies. A 14th colony. And the whole thing was to be presented in a Powerpoint form. So anyway, a guy in another class named his colony Pen Island. He was going to change it that morning but forgot to, so he had to do his presentation on the 14th American colony, named Pen Island. He actually got a pretty high grade on it, though I forget what he got. But he's in another class. So yeah....
Friday, November 7th, 2014 - 21. Fun Fact: Hayden, the only town in the Blackjack Mountains, has a population of 37, with only 5 families living there. In 1854, it had a population of 5,029, the largest its population has ever been.
Saturday, November 8th, 2014 - 22. Fun Fact: Roughly 0.5% of the population of Pen Island is in the KKK.
Monday, December 15th, 2014 - 23. Fun Fact: 73% of Pen Islanders have never been out of Pen Island.
Wednesday, December 24th, 2014 - 24. Fun Fact: Listerine was originally intended to be a surgical antiseptic.
Thursday, December 25th, 2014 - 25. Fun Fact: Listerine was once advertised as a cure for dandruff.
Thursday, December 25th, 2014 - 26. Fun Fact: I shall be using Listerine in my hair for the next week or so to see if it actually works.
Wednesday, December 31st, 2014 - 27. Fun Fact: Hayden has the highest rate of gun ownership in Pen Island, 100%. Which is odd, because it is quite relevant to this.
Saturday, January 3rd, 2015 - 28. Fun Fact: I typed out this fun fact using an 8 oz clawhammer. Surprisingly, it works on my Ipad's touch screen.
Monday, January 5th, 2015 - 29. Fun Fact: On my Clash of Clans village, I have a cross and 'Jesus' spelled out with walls.
Friday, January 9th, 2015 - 30. Fun Fact: This is a house which is actually right across the street from my elementary school up in Antioch.
Saturday, January 10th, 2015 - 31. Fun Fact: The subdivision I live in is called Whetstone.
Wednesday, January 14th, 2015 - 32. Fun Fact: The original Buck Cola contained 11% alcohol.
Saturday, January 17th, 2015 - 33. Fun Fact: Currently, roughly 1 outta every 100,000 people in Pen Island lives in the town of Hayden.
Sunday, January 18th, 2015 - 34. Fun Fact: 55% of Pen Islanders are unaware that the Internet exists.
Tuesday, January 20th, 2015 - 35. Fun Fact: The battle after the next battle of the Pen Island Civil War will happen solely around a Hop-In, Hop-Out.
Saturday, January 24th, 2015 - 36. Fun Fact: 2% of Pen Islanders call toilet paper "a** paper".
Saturday, January 24th, 2015 - 37. Fun Fact: 44% of Pen Islanders know that people have gone into space before.
Saturday, January 24th, 2015 - 38. Fun Fact: 83% of Pen Islanders don't know what a credit card is.
Sunday, January 25th, 2015 - 39. Fun Fact: 26% of Pen Islanders know what Hinduism is.
Monday, February 2nd, 2015 - 41. Fun Fact: 13% of Pen Islanders can't locate Pen Island on a map of the RIA.
Tuesday, February 24th, 2015 - 42. Fun Fact: Pen Island has no health inspectors.
Friday, February 27th, 2015 - 43. Fun Fact: Once, when I was young, I decided to microwave a pine cone to see what would happen. I ended up getting sticky pine tar spilled out all over the microwave pan. Man, that stuff is hard to get off.
Saturday, February 28th, 2015 - 44. Fun Fact: The inner bark and young leaves of the maple tree are edible.
Saturday, February 28th, 2015 - 45. Fun Fact: Birch sap can be made into birch syrup, much like the maple tree.
Saturday, February 28th, 2015 - 46. Fun Fact: Clover leaves are edible. And the flowers as well, I think.
Saturday, February 28th, 2015 - 47. Fun Fact: Pretty much every single part of the dandelion plant is edible. Though except for maybe the seed head... I imagine that probably wouldn't taste too good...
Saturday, February 28th, 2015 - 48. Fun Fact: All pine nuts are edible. It's just that almost all of them are tiny as hell.
Sunday, March 1st, 2015 - 49. Fun Fact: Fun Fact: Most of the roads in Pen Island are unpaved.
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015 - 50. Fun Fact: Your friends and family are edible. Which is true.
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015 - 51. Fun Fact: You can eat most animals. But you can only eat some plants.
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015 - 52. Fun Fact: Pain is painful.
Friday, March 6th, 2015 - 53. Fun Fact: There actually is a channel here that is just like this and shows you the traffic around Williamson County. I believe it is.... channel 10 I think..... Point is there's a channel here which shows you nothing but the traffic at various locations in Williamson County.
Friday, March 6th, 2015 - 54. Fun Fact: You are edible.
Saturday, March 7th, 2015 - 55. Fun Fact: 92% of Pen Islanders pronounce relatives 'relay-tivs'.
Wednesday, March 11th, 2015 - 56. Fun Fact: A man by the name of Jacob Dickinson, who is well known in Pen Island as a womanizer who lived in Springfield during the 1800's, had 16 wives over the course of his life and is believed to have had over 130 children. Not including the children he had with woman with which whom he did not marry. Of which, numbers are unknown.
Thursday, March 19th, 2015 - 57. Fun Fact: Black powder guns and/or single shot guns are not considered firearms in Pen Island.
Thursday, March 19th, 2015 - 58. Fun Fact: 87% of the land in Pen Island is uninhabited.
Saturday, March 28th, 2015 - 60. Fun Fact: If Pen Island was a real life country and was as densely populated as New York City (26,403 people per square mile), it would have about 2,182,815,219 people, meaning that it would have almost 2 times more people than China and be home to almost a third of the entire population of Earth.
Friday, April 3rd, 2015 - 61. Fun Fact: There are 31 times more shotguns than there are people in Pen Island.
Chapter Two - Pensyltucky Island
Monday, April 20th, 2015 - 63. Fun Fact: If all of Pensyltuckee Island was as densely populated as the Blackjack Mountains, Pensyltuckee Island would be about 3,093,260,000 square miles. Which is roughly about 60 times bigger than all the land on Earth.
Monday, April 20th, 2015 - 64. Fun Fact: If the Blackjack Mountains were as densely populated as Pen City, the Blackjack Mountains would ne about 12 acres big. About 2 or 3 times the size of your typical Walmart.
Tuesday, April 21st, 2015 - 65. Fun Fact: Rubbing alcohol and hand sanitizer are somewhat rare in Pensyltuckee Island. The alternative is whiskey, which, here, is actually cheaper and much more plentiful than rubbing alcohol and hand sanitizer.
Tuesday, April 21st, 2015 - 66. Fun Fact: Today is Hitler's birthday.
Tuesday, April 21st, 2015 - 67. Fun Fact: Lenin's birthday is in 2 days.
Tuesday, April 21st, 2015 - 68. Fun Fact: If all the land in Pensyltuckee Island was as densely populated as Pen City, Pensyltuckee Island's population would be 162,948,483. About half of the US population.
Tuesday, April 21st, 2015 - 70. Fun Fact: If the world was as densely populated as the Moon, the population would be 0.
Saturday, April 25th, 2015 - 71. Fun Fact: The average Pensyltuckian home was built in 1924.
Saturday, April 25th, 2015 - 72. Fun Fact: The average distance between Pensyltuckian houses is 0.26 miles.
Saturday, April 25th, 2015 - 74. Fun Fact: If sea levels rise 4,484 feet, Pensyltuckee Island would still exist. Except it would be reduced to a tiny strip of land that is the top of Elkhorn Ridge, tallest mountain in Pensyltuckee Island.
Tuesday, April 28th, 2015 - 75. Fun Fact: 83% of Pensyltuckian houses have screen doors.
Tuesday, April 28th, 2015 - 76. Fun Fact: 9% of Pensyltuckian houses have central cooling systems and 3% have central heating systems.
Wednesday, April 29th, 2015 - 77. Fun Fact: If the world population was as densely populated as the Blackjack Mountains, the Earth would be about 44,561 times bigger, water included. Which would be somewhere around 371 times bigger than Jupiter and about half as big as the Sun.
Wednesday, April 29th, 2015 - 78. Fun Fact: If the world population was as densely populated as the Blackjack Mountains, the Earth would be about 44,561 times bigger, water included. Which would be somewhere around 371 times bigger than Jupiter and about half as big as the Sun.
Wednesday, April 29th, 2015 - 79. Fun Fact: The average Pensyltuckian property is 34 acres and costs about 950 Bucks (about 28,500 US dollars).
Wednesday, April 29th, 2015 - 80. Fun Fact: The Hop-In,Hop-Out gas pumps look fairly similar to Texaco pumps in the 1960's.
Thursday, April 30th, 2015 - 81. Fun Fact: There is an actual vending machine in Springfield that sells revolvers.
Thursday, April 30th, 2015 - 82. Fun Fact: Pine seeds, pine needles, and the inner pine bark are all edible.
Thursday, April 30th, 2015 - 83. Fun Fact: If the land in the US was as densely populated as Pensyltuckee Island, the US would have about 137 million people. Which is about how many people it had in the 1940's.
Thursday, April 30th, 2015 - 84. Fun Fact: Sumac berries, including the seed, are edible. You can actually use them to make a sorta lemonade. The young shoots are also edible. Except for poison sumac(which is not edible, for obvious reasons, it happens to have similar effects as poison ivy and poison oak when it comes in contact with skin, but the urushiol in it is in much higher concentrations, so its effects happen to be much worse), but I highly doubt you'll ever actually confuse it with regular sumacs. Poison sumacs live in really swampy areas, have red stems, and white berries. All the other sumacs have red berries. So yes, don't eat poison sumac berries!!!!!
Thursday, April 30th, 2015 - 85. Fun Fact: The seeds of the Kentucky Coffeetree(which are very hard and longlasting, they'll literally stay on the ground for decades) were roasted and ground to make a sorta coffee beverage by early settlers, who described it as inferior to real coffee. Basically, what that means is that Kentucky Coffeetree coffee tastes like sh*t. But if you do make sh*tty Kentucky Coffeetree coffee in the event that you don't have any other options for coffee and you just happened to find a Kentucky Coffeetree, be sure to roast the seeds, because they are poisonous if you don't roast them and there is a pretty likely chance that you will die. In fact, there is no animal that actually eats their seed pods.
Thursday, April 30th, 2015 - 86. Fun Fact: The Osage Orange tree has large yellowish greenish fruits which resemble brains, leading to its nickname: monkey-brains. The seeds inside are edible and supposedly taste like sunflower seeds when roasted. However, it is a pain in the behind to pick out every single seed as they all have a thin membrane covering them, which you have to remove, one by one.
Friday, May 1st, 2015 - 88. Fun Fact: 91% of Pensyltuckians live in the same town they were born in.
Friday, May 1st, 2015 - 89. Fun Fact: 16% of Pensyltuckians have never gone outside their hometown.
Sunday, May 3rd, 2015 - 90. Fun Fact: If you jump into a giant pile of glass shards, you will bleed profusely.
Sunday, May 3rd, 2015 - 91. Fun Fact: IF YOU TYPE IN ALL CAPS, YOU WILL SEEM LOUDER IN PEOPLE'S HEADS!!!!
Sunday, May 3rd, 2015 - 92. Fun Fact: The 2 closest towns in Pensyltuckee Island: Kibble and Milk Bone (Pen City and Camptown don't count, Camptown is basically just what used to be western Pen City) are still about 50 miles apart.
Sunday, May 3rd, 2015 - 93. Fun Fact: 78% of white Pensyltuckians say that the majority of their ancestry is from the British Isles. The remaining 21% say that most of their ancestry is from either France or Germany.
Bonus Chapter - Pen Puppets & Co.
(Green valley pirates) Friday, January 23rd, 2015 - 1. Fun Fact: Fun Fact: 100% of people living in Green Valley say that they drink rum on a regular basis.
look what I found
Hammond: Thank you, I do believe we are nearing the blessed house, Mehruehn. *He says with a smile and a kind glance*
General: We are capable of assisting in both locations.
*Meanwhile, at a Hop-In,Hop-Out in rural Rustalia.......*
Cashier: *picking his teeth with a toothpick while doing crossword puzzles from a book called "Crossword Puzzles: Pensyltuckian Edition!!"* "Hmm......"
*He carefully reads the clue.*
Cashier: "Number 9.. A narrow valley between 2 mountain ridges....... oh! Holler!" *fills in part of the puzzle* *moves on to the next one* "The best country that's ever existed... oh, that's easy...." *fills in the blanks* "Pen-syl-tuck-kee-Is-land..." *moves onto the next one* "Residents of the nation of "Jute"........." *thinks* "Juteans?" *looks at the blanks* "1 blank too few.......... hmm.........."
*A Tesla pulls up outside.*
Cashier: *scoffs* "Teslas...."
*A man with large ear piercings(y'know, the ones that are a massive hole?) wearing excessively skinny jeans, a tight fitting shirt, Converse, large glasses, and a fedora walks into the store.*
Man: "Is there a place for me to plug in my Tesla?"
Cashier: "It'll cost ya..."
Man: "Can I pay using Paypal?"
Cashier: "What in the hell is a Paypal?"
Man: "I don't have much cash on me...."
Cashier: "What the hell are you doing out in the middle of Rustalia in an electric automobile with no cash? I'd be able to sell you gasoline or diesel real cheap and easy, but electricity? I buy the electricity from the next town over. Comes here from over 200 miles away. Fixing to buy some solar panels sometime, but I ain't got them yet. So it'll cost ya."
Man: "What do I have to do......."
Cashier: "1st, tell me why the hell you're out here in the 1st place."
Cashier: *leans back* "Yes?"
Man: "...protesting the oil companies......"
Cashier: *starts laughing uncontrollably* *falls on the floor from his chair* *continues laughing*
*3 minutes later.....*
Cashier: "Okay, okay..." *laughs a little bit more* *gets back up in the chair* "Okay, tell you what. I'll take you over to the next town."
Man: "You will?"
Cashier: "I'll hop in the 18 wheeler. Your electric automobile will be towed along. And you will be tied onto the back of the 18 wheeler in a cage."
Man: "Excuse me?"
Cashier: "You heard me right. I mean, my dog, Bucky, here's gotta have somewhere to sit."
*A few minutes later.....*
*A bobtail PITCO L-200 is speeding down a bumpy red dirt road going 140 mph, towing a Tesla behind it and a large cage, meant for emus, tied onto the 5th wheel hitch.*
Cashier: "Whew, lordy!!!" *shifts the truck into 18th gear*
Man: *bouncing up and down in the metal cage* "What-did I-ever-do-to-deserve this?!! Oww!!!"
*The truck is fast approaching a herd of cattle.*
Cashier: "Road train coming through!!!!!" *honks the horn continuously*
*The cows move out of the way and the truck narrowly avoids hitting any of them.*
Cashier: *puts the pedal to the metal* "Whew, just listen to that diesel engine hum!!!"
*The truck is soon speeding along at 170 mph.*
*About 45 minutes later.....*
Cashier: "Ooh, almost there.." *turns on the jake brakes*
*The truck goes through the town entirely.*
Cashier: "Whoops....." *goes offroad and makes a U-turn in the bushes* *slowly pulls back into town* *pulls into a dirt parking lot and stops*
*He hops out of the truck.*
Cashier: *walks back* *unhitches the now somewhat damaged Tesla* "Surprised this thing even made it to my town on those kindsa roads." *looks up into the cage* "Had fun?"
Man: *shaking around* *shakes his head*
Cashier: *chuckles* "Alright, you've had your fun." *lets the man out of the cage* "Here's your Tesla. Go plug it in at that gas station right there. I'll be off now." *hops back in the PITCO 18 wheeler and drives off*
Man: *shakily walks into the gas station*
Cashier 2: *watching TV* *turns his head* "Oh, howdy there." *looks back at the TV*
Television Reporter: "Earlier today, foreign hippie protestors gathered at the site of a new oil rig, angered at us for exploiting our bountiful natural resources."
*The TV goes to a shot of the protest.*
*The man appears in the middle of the screen.*
Cashier 2: "Huh...." *looks back at the man, then back at the TV* "Ain't that.. it is you. Ha!"
*On the TV*
TV Reporter: *walks up the man* "Hello sir. Why are you protesting?"
Man: "Because we need to stop the excessive use and reliance on fossil fuels!!! It's bad for the enviroment, it's bad for our health, and it's bad for the future of this Earth!!!"
*All the protestors cheer.*
Man: "And just to show that we don't have to rely on fossil fuels, I am going to drive my fully electric Tesla all the way across Rustalia and back again!!"
*All the protestors cheer again.*
Reporter: "But sir, Rustalia's pert near a-"
*The cheering of the protestors drowns out the reporter's words as the man heads over to his Tesla.*
*Back in the gas station....*
Cashier 2: "Didn't think that out clearly, didja?" *laughs and takes a small sip of Johnson Beer*
Man: *groans* "Can I have some water?"
Cashier 2: "It'll cost ya. Water's mighty expensive out here. This particular area, it'll run ya about $40 a pint."
Man: "Do you take Paypal?"
Cashier 2: "Pay-what?"
Man: *sighs* "Nevermind...."
General Hakcer: Then we would prefer them to fight in the jungles, local tribes have been helping us in the moutanious regions, they are not in the jungles.
Could you give me a map showing this administrative division, I've stopped caring about this condition will follow it because I'd like to get it done
Your most recent map is this: http://i.imgur.com/0l8AIPV.png
Id like to know if your using this map so that I can plan the wall accordingly
General Hacker: Good I can't wait to see them in the field