*Meanwhile, in Pen City, Pensyltuckee Island....*
*A man is driving his 1987 PITCO pickup down the dirt road.*
Man: *sing-songy* "Just a-drivin' down the road. On my daily beer run. A-gonna chug it all down. When the Sun goes-"
*The engine sputters to a stop.*
Man: "Ah, dammit....." *hops out of the truck and opens up the hood* "Let's see what the hell the matter is...."
*A short while later.....*
Man: *pulls his head out of the engine bay* "Huh, clogged gas line was all that was.. damn little beetle... how the hell'd you get in there anyhow? Eh." *shuts the hood* *looks around* "Where the hell am I....."
*He looks all around and sees nothing but flat fields of corn.*
Man: "I coulda swore I was in a forest.... on a dirt road......... lord, this is the flattest, most openest land I ever did see...." *shrugs* *hops back in and drives off*
*A short while later......*
Man: "Hot damn, the Pensyltuckee Island government finally musta fixed all them roads. This here road's the smoothest riding one I've ever been on. But what in the hell happened to all the vehicles?" *looks around, seeing many modern cars* "I ain't never seen these typesa vehicles before..." *looks at the vehicle in front of him* "Niss... Niss-san Ver-sa. Huh..." *glances at the license plate* "Iowa? Whew, lordy, you come a long way."
*He spies something in the distance.*
Man: "Lookie there. A store. Don't look like no Hop-In,Hop-Out.......... Shell? There ain't too many of those in Pensyltuckee." *glances at the gas prices* "Oh lordy." *pats the dashboard* "Sorry pal. A-gonna have to fill you up some other day. This here's fuel prices is gonna run my money supplies dry."
*He pulls into the parking lot of the Shell gas station."
Man: "I hope the Johnson Beer here's cheaper than the gasoline and diesel." *shuts the door and walks into teh store* "Whoa.............. this place is the shiniest, newest store I've ever seen." *turns to the cashier* "You run a good establishment here, y'know that?" *walks to the beer aisle* *glances over the beers* *mumbles to self* "What the hell's all this......" *turns back to the cashier* "Ya'll got any Johnson Beer?"
Man: "Johnson Beer. Pert near every place in the entire country has it."
Cashier: *shrugs* "Never heard of it."
Man: "Oh... alrighty then. Thank ya anyhow." *whispers to self* "No Johnson Beer... how can such a seemingly good, modern establishment have no Johnson Beer?" *looks back through the beers* "I never hearda any of these.... I reckon I'll take this Bud-we-iser. Seen it in some places and it looks close enough to Johnson...."
*He picks up a box and walks to the counter.*
Man: "Howdy. I'd like to buy some a this Bud-we-iser."
Cashier: "ID. You already look old enough to be 40 or 50, but I've already been busted once for selling without looking at ID."
Man: *pulls out his wallet* "There ya go." *hands the man a Pensyltuckee Island driver's license*
Cashier: *looks at the license* "Pensyltuckee Island?"
Man: "Yessir. Pensyltuckee Island."
Cashier: "Okay then......... You're old enough anyway." *hands the license back*
Man: "What'll that be? I forgot to check that little ole price tag."
Cashier: "Ah... I'll be honest with you. Business here has been slow lately. I'll just take whatever you can afford."
Man: "Alrighty." *places a coin on the counter* *heads to the door* "Thank ya. You have a nice day, y'hear?"
Cashier: *waves him goodbye* "Nice man... little strange though...." *picks up the coin and looks at it* "Pensyltuckee Island......" *scratches his head* "Must be some sorta hidden camera show or something...." *shrugs* *puts the coin in his pocket*
*Meanwhile, back on the road.....*
Man: *driving* "No Johnson, but I sure do hope this Budweiser's nice." *notices an entry ramp in the distance* "Huh?" *sees a highway* "Oh lord, that's a lotta vehicles." *pulls onto the entry ramp* *looks at the highway* "What is this road....... why are they all going so fast...... well, the new road is mighty smooth. I reckon they wanna have a bitta fun or something." *pulls onto the highway and begins catching up with traffic*
*The needle gets near the end of the PITCO speedometer gauge, which only goes up to 75 mph.*
Man: "Oooh, lordy......." *continues going down the highway*
*A very short while later....*
Man: "This ain't so hard. Road's one a the straightest and flattest I ever seen.. just gotta stay in this lane, I reckon..."
*Flashing lights appear behind him.*
Man: "Pen City Police? Now that's right odd." *looks back in the mirror* "Huh, they got themselves different cars than I remember.... well, they do have a habit of using whatever's available." *pulls over to the shoulder*
*A cop hops out of the Crown Vic and walks over to the truck.*
Man: "Howdy there, officer."
Cop: "Hello sir. Do you know why I pulled you over today?"
Man: "I reckon you want some money."
Cop: "Excuse me?"
Man: "Oh, don't be shy. All them Pen City Po-lice is always lookin' for money. But I ain't got much on me today."
Cop: "We're not in Pen City. I'll have to give you a warning for attempting to bribe a police officer."
Man: "I figured as much. Don't look much like Pen City. Where is this anyhow?"
Cop: "The state of Iowa. And you, sir, have a fake license plate on."
Man: "Iowa? Fake license plate? Sir, that's a genuine Pensyltuckee Island license plate."
Cop: "Sir, your custom pickup truck does not mean you can run a fake license plate on your vehicle."
Man: "Oh, it ain't no custom homemade. It's made by the PITCO Company. Been in Springfield, Pensyltuckee Island since 1762, but they've only been making vehicles since about the 1970's, I believe."
Cop: "Sir, do you actually believe we are in some place called "Pensyltuckee Island"?"
Man: "Officer, I know you said we's in Iowa, but we ain't in Iowa. We's in Pensyltuckee Island.. ain't we?"
Cop: *sighs* "Sir, I'm gonna have to place you under arrest for-"
Man: "Arrest? I ain't going to the Springfield Penitentiary. What the hell's gotten into you Pen City Police?!!"
Cop: "Sir, you are under arr-"
Man: "Here, take all my money!!" *tosses a large amount of Pensyltuckian money out the window* *drives off*
Cop: "Wait!!!" *takes his radio* "Requesting backup. We have a runaway driver on the highway. He is a man in his 40's or 50's driving a blue custom pickup truck that says "PITCO" on the tailgate and running a fake license plate that says "Pensyltuckee Island"." *begins running back to his car* *stops* "Better pick up this money as evidence..." *picks up some money* *looks at one after realizing they don't look normal* "Pensyltuckee Island? How crazy do you have to be..." *scratches his head* *hops back in his patrol car and takes off*
*A short while later.....*
*Several police cars are on his tail.*
Man: "What the hell's going on here?!!" *frantically looks around* "Wait a minute... wait a minute..." *looks around at all the license plates* "Good lord, maybe I am in Iowa.... how the hell did I get to Iowa?" *looks back in his rear view mirror at the police on his tail* "Well, I ain't going to no Iowa prison. I'm a-gonna leave Iowa if it's the last thing I do!" *drives off the highway and smashes into a cornfield, with the police following behind him*
*He smashes through the entire cornfield.*
*The truck gets stuck right at the edge.*
Man: "Aah!!! Shoot!!" *quickly gets out and starts running to the road, which is dirt* *is looking back the entire time* *starts looking forward again*
*He sees that he's about to run straight into a policeman standing by a cop car.*
Man: "Aaaahhh!!!" *slips on the dirt road and falls*
Policeman: *eating a slice of chess pie and drinking Buck Cola* *looks down at the man* "Lonnie? What the hell are you doing, Lonnie?
Man: *looks up and realizes it's a Pen City policeman standing next to a Pen City Police owned 1965 Impala* *looks around*
*He is on a dirt road next to a cornfield with a "Pensyltuckee Fried Chicken" just down the street.*
Man: *gasps* "I ain't in Iowa no more!!!" *gets up and hops up and down* "I ain't in Iowa!!! I ain't in Iowa!!!" *hugs the police officer* "Tom, I ain't in Iowa no more!!!!"
Policeman: *confused* "Okay, Lonnie... That's true.... You ain't in Iowa..."
Man: *stands back* *sighs happily* "Tom..."
Man: "You think you might could, uh..." *looks back at his truck by the edge of the cornfield* "Might could get my truck outta that cornfield?"
Policeman: "Sure could. I reckon you oughtta pay that corn farmer back for the corn you damaged."
Man: "I reckon I oughtta.... ah, it's good to be back..." *starts walking back to the truck*
Policeman: *confused* *whispers to self* "What's happened to Lonnie...."
No objection here
I'm aware of that.
Hammond: Thank you, I do believe we are nearing the blessed house, Mehruehn. *He says with a smile and a kind glance*
General: We are capable of assisting in both locations.
*Meanwhile, at a Hop-In,Hop-Out in rural Rustalia.......*
Cashier: *picking his teeth with a toothpick while doing crossword puzzles from a book called "Crossword Puzzles: Pensyltuckian Edition!!"* "Hmm......"
*He carefully reads the clue.*
Cashier: "Number 9.. A narrow valley between 2 mountain ridges....... oh! Holler!" *fills in part of the puzzle* *moves on to the next one* "The best country that's ever existed... oh, that's easy...." *fills in the blanks* "Pen-syl-tuck-kee-Is-land..." *moves onto the next one* "Residents of the nation of "Jute"........." *thinks* "Juteans?" *looks at the blanks* "1 blank too few.......... hmm.........."
*A Tesla pulls up outside.*
Cashier: *scoffs* "Teslas...."
*A man with large ear piercings(y'know, the ones that are a massive hole?) wearing excessively skinny jeans, a tight fitting shirt, Converse, large glasses, and a fedora walks into the store.*
Man: "Is there a place for me to plug in my Tesla?"
Cashier: "It'll cost ya..."
Man: "Can I pay using Paypal?"
Cashier: "What in the hell is a Paypal?"
Man: "I don't have much cash on me...."
Cashier: "What the hell are you doing out in the middle of Rustalia in an electric automobile with no cash? I'd be able to sell you gasoline or diesel real cheap and easy, but electricity? I buy the electricity from the next town over. Comes here from over 200 miles away. Fixing to buy some solar panels sometime, but I ain't got them yet. So it'll cost ya."
Man: "What do I have to do......."
Cashier: "1st, tell me why the hell you're out here in the 1st place."
Cashier: *leans back* "Yes?"
Man: "...protesting the oil companies......"
Cashier: *starts laughing uncontrollably* *falls on the floor from his chair* *continues laughing*
*3 minutes later.....*
Cashier: "Okay, okay..." *laughs a little bit more* *gets back up in the chair* "Okay, tell you what. I'll take you over to the next town."
Man: "You will?"
Cashier: "I'll hop in the 18 wheeler. Your electric automobile will be towed along. And you will be tied onto the back of the 18 wheeler in a cage."
Man: "Excuse me?"
Cashier: "You heard me right. I mean, my dog, Bucky, here's gotta have somewhere to sit."
*A few minutes later.....*
*A bobtail PITCO L-200 is speeding down a bumpy red dirt road going 140 mph, towing a Tesla behind it and a large cage, meant for emus, tied onto the 5th wheel hitch.*
Cashier: "Whew, lordy!!!" *shifts the truck into 18th gear*
Man: *bouncing up and down in the metal cage* "What-did I-ever-do-to-deserve this?!! Oww!!!"
*The truck is fast approaching a herd of cattle.*
Cashier: "Road train coming through!!!!!" *honks the horn continuously*
*The cows move out of the way and the truck narrowly avoids hitting any of them.*
Cashier: *puts the pedal to the metal* "Whew, just listen to that diesel engine hum!!!"
*The truck is soon speeding along at 170 mph.*
*About 45 minutes later.....*
Cashier: "Ooh, almost there.." *turns on the jake brakes*
*The truck goes through the town entirely.*
Cashier: "Whoops....." *goes offroad and makes a U-turn in the bushes* *slowly pulls back into town* *pulls into a dirt parking lot and stops*
*He hops out of the truck.*
Cashier: *walks back* *unhitches the now somewhat damaged Tesla* "Surprised this thing even made it to my town on those kindsa roads." *looks up into the cage* "Had fun?"
Man: *shaking around* *shakes his head*
Cashier: *chuckles* "Alright, you've had your fun." *lets the man out of the cage* "Here's your Tesla. Go plug it in at that gas station right there. I'll be off now." *hops back in the PITCO 18 wheeler and drives off*
Man: *shakily walks into the gas station*
Cashier 2: *watching TV* *turns his head* "Oh, howdy there." *looks back at the TV*
Television Reporter: "Earlier today, foreign hippie protestors gathered at the site of a new oil rig, angered at us for exploiting our bountiful natural resources."
*The TV goes to a shot of the protest.*
*The man appears in the middle of the screen.*
Cashier 2: "Huh...." *looks back at the man, then back at the TV* "Ain't that.. it is you. Ha!"
*On the TV*
TV Reporter: *walks up the man* "Hello sir. Why are you protesting?"
Man: "Because we need to stop the excessive use and reliance on fossil fuels!!! It's bad for the enviroment, it's bad for our health, and it's bad for the future of this Earth!!!"
*All the protestors cheer.*
Man: "And just to show that we don't have to rely on fossil fuels, I am going to drive my fully electric Tesla all the way across Rustalia and back again!!"
*All the protestors cheer again.*
Reporter: "But sir, Rustalia's pert near a-"
*The cheering of the protestors drowns out the reporter's words as the man heads over to his Tesla.*
*Back in the gas station....*
Cashier 2: "Didn't think that out clearly, didja?" *laughs and takes a small sip of Johnson Beer*
Man: *groans* "Can I have some water?"
Cashier 2: "It'll cost ya. Water's mighty expensive out here. This particular area, it'll run ya about $40 a pint."
Man: "Do you take Paypal?"
Cashier 2: "Pay-what?"
Man: *sighs* "Nevermind...."
General Hakcer: Then we would prefer them to fight in the jungles, local tribes have been helping us in the moutanious regions, they are not in the jungles.
Could you give me a map showing this administrative division, I've stopped caring about this condition will follow it because I'd like to get it done
Your most recent map is this: http://i.imgur.com/0l8AIPV.png
Id like to know if your using this map so that I can plan the wall accordingly
General: Very well. We shall deploy immediately.
General Hacker: Good I can't wait to see them in the field
*The troops are outfitted in their Jungle armor and are deployed. Viper Probe droids and Scout troopers are sent to scout the jungle.*
TARI!!! I almost thought you were just going to let your nation stay abandoned. :P
How are you?