by Max Barry

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Renegade Islands Alliance RMB
Renegade Islands Alliance was Commended by Security Council Resolution # 173

WA Delegate (non-executive): The Burger Town of Dixadoing (elected )

Founder: The Sleeping Giant of Shizensky

Last WA Update:

Board Activity History Admin Rank

Most Nations: 417th Most Influential: 468th Largest Black Market: 766th+9
Most World Assembly Endorsements: 971st Most Devout: 1,349th Most Corrupt Governments: 1,949th Most Advanced Public Transport: 2,132nd Largest Information Technology Sector: 2,188th Most Cultured: 2,196th Most Eco-Friendly Governments: 2,202nd Most Advanced Public Education: 2,267th Most Beautiful Environments: 2,305th
World Factbook Entry

Welcome to the flying islands of the Renegade Islands Alliance, an internationally renowned region founded in 2004!

Want to focus on managing your nation, join one of our several role plays, or become a major player in regional politics? The RIA is the place for you!

The rumbles of another reboot are among us. Let's not screw this one up!

**********************************
*Link>-JOIN THE RIA STEAM GROUP!-<*
LinkJoin the Discord Server!
**********************************

All Hands On Deck Orders:

Stay tuned...

Contact Dixadoing for more information.



  1. 5

    Map of the RIA

    MetaReference by Babylatia . 513 reads.

  2. 2

    Repeal of Assembly of Renegades & Proposal of Citizen's Congress Reenactment

    BulletinPolicy by Dixadoing . 33 reads.

  3. 7

    Operation Refresh: We're Still Here

    MetaGameplay by Usniya . 92 reads.

  4. 12

    Things to Do in the RIA

    MetaGameplay by Shizensky . 946 reads.

  5. 3

    The RIASF All Hands On Deck Initiative

    MetaGameplay by Dixadoing . 102 reads.

  6. 17

    Retirement

    BulletinCampaign by Timothia . 165 reads.

  7. 1,717

    NationStates Guide

    MetaReference by Amerion . 73,973 reads.

  8. 2

    The Constitution of the Renegade Islands Alliance

    FactbookPolitics by Shizensky . 354 reads.

  9. 7

    The Renegade Islands Alliance Foreign Legion

    MetaGameplay by Shizensky . 144 reads.

  10. 26

    Why We Fight - The Renegade Islands Alliance Special Forces

    MetaGameplay by Shizensky . 790 reads.

  11. 9

    RIA Institute of Cartography (Current)

    FactbookGeography by Ria institute of cartography . 372 reads.

  12. 5

    The Timothian Dispatches

    BulletinPolicy by Timothia . 271 reads.

▼ 9 More

Embassies: 10000 Islands, Mordor, the Rejected Realms, Texas, Wintreath, Spiritus, International Northwestern Union, Nasicournia, Free Coalition of Governments, The Order of the Grey Wardens, Gay, The European Union, European Union, The Alterran Republic, and Atlantis.

Tags: Commended, Defender, Democratic, Featured, Game Player, Liberal, Map, Medium, Modern Tech, National Sovereigntist, Offsite Chat, Offsite Forums, and 3 others.Regional Government, Role Player, and Social.

Regional Power: Moderate

Renegade Islands Alliance contains 40 nations, the 417th most in the world.

Today's World Census Report

The Least Corrupt Governments in Renegade Islands Alliance

World Census agents tempted government officials with financial and other inducements to bend the rules and recorded how often their proposals were declined.

As a region, Renegade Islands Alliance is ranked 21,257th in the world for Least Corrupt Governments.

NationWA CategoryMotto
1.The Community of JuteLeft-wing Utopia“Life is hard, but worth it”
2.The Republic of GfiewgjknsiorjgiostanInoffensive Centrist Democracy“Gfiewgjknsiorjgiostan Forever, and After”
3.The Republic of UtopianstateCivil Rights Lovefest“For a better tomorrow”
4.The Republic of YichuanLeft-wing Utopia“What is Under Heaven is for All”
5.The Republic of StroskaanalLeft-wing Utopia“Strength Through Compliance”
6.The Republic of Hockens IslandsAnarchy“Peace and Justice”
7.The House of the Sauropods of GrandingDemocratic Socialists“Isn't it just Grand!?”
8.The Commonwealth of Inner BolthaiiLiberal Democratic Socialists“Standing proud!”
9.The Free Land of RIA FinRussian SFLeft-wing Utopia“We are shields”
10.The Federal Republic of BentriaInoffensive Centrist Democracy“Simul Nos Firmiores”
1234»

Regional Happenings

More...

Renegade Islands Alliance Regional Message Board

Don't know exactly what possessed me now to tell y'all this, but anyway.... I drove to Billings, Montana from Lincoln, Nebraska and back again back in March. Went to Montana just to look around a little bit. I got... maybe an hour of sleep in the Walmart parking lot in Billings. Just couldn't get any rest for some reason. Point is I basically spent a little over 2 days just driving around. Looking back, I really should not have been driving for that extended amount of time. The sleep deprivation started getting to me when I was coming back to Nebraska. From some point on I-90 in South Dakota to the intersection with US 81, I had really bad tunnel vision and I basically have almost no memory of driving the hour and a half that was that part of the trip. Started seeing random shadow people soon after that. Just seeing people on the side of the road off in the distance. Saw a bunch of weird lights in the distance at one point, which ended up being just some road signs that my headlights were reflecting off of. Somewhere between Columbus, NE and Seward, NE, I saw a 20 foot long alligator crossing the road. I slowed down since I didn't wanna hit it. Got within about 30, 40 feet of the "alligator" and then I blinked and it just disappeared. Yeah.... It was definitely an experience though..... Definitely an experience. Anyway..........................

It all started happening after it got dark, so that's probably partially why. The darkness let my imagination run wild.

This place died when Shiz died a year ago

Pensyltuckee Island wrote:Don't know exactly what possessed me now to tell y'all this, but anyway.... I drove to Billings, Montana from Lincoln, Nebraska and back again back in March. Went to Montana just to look around a little bit. I got... maybe an hour of sleep in the Walmart parking lot in Billings. Just couldn't get any rest for some reason. Point is I basically spent a little over 2 days just driving around. Looking back, I really should not have been driving for that extended amount of time. The sleep deprivation started getting to me when I was coming back to Nebraska. From some point on I-90 in South Dakota to the intersection with US 81, I had really bad tunnel vision and I basically have almost no memory of driving the hour and a half that was that part of the trip. Started seeing random shadow people soon after that. Just seeing people on the side of the road off in the distance. Saw a bunch of weird lights in the distance at one point, which ended up being just some road signs that my headlights were reflecting off of. Somewhere between Columbus, NE and Seward, NE, I saw a 20 foot long alligator crossing the road. I slowed down since I didn't wanna hit it. Got within about 30, 40 feet of the "alligator" and then I blinked and it just disappeared. Yeah.... It was definitely an experience though..... Definitely an experience. Anyway..........................

Sounds like sleep deprivation hallucinations, they're... weird in my experience
Please be careful on the road bro!

FinRussland wrote:


Sounds like sleep deprivation hallucinations, they're... weird in my experience
Please be careful on the road bro!

Yep. Exactly. It was a little freaky to say the least, although I remember I didn't really care at the moment since I was just so brain tired. My mind was basically like "Oh, it's an alligator. Huh. Oh, it's gone now. Oh, wait, there's no alligators in Nebraska. Eh, whatever."

*Meanwhile, in Whippoorwill County, Pensyltuckee Island.......*
Deputy: *sitting with his feet up on the desk* *throwing darts at a dartboard on the wall*
*The door flies open and the sheriff walks in with a handcuffed man.*
Will: "Uncuff me immediately!! My lawyer is coming! He should've gotten off the plane half an hour ago!!"
Sheriff: "Hold your horses, I ain't even started with you."
Will: "I've done nothing wrong!!"
Sheriff: *gingerly sets the man down in a chair* *sits down across the table from him* "Well, I received word from those 2 fellers you were talkin' with at the bar yesterday. You got a little bit intoxicated and apparently said sumem about killin' your wife while y'all were out in the woods campin' and makin' it look like some sorta accident. One of them fellers is Jesse James Junior. Now Jesses James Junior is probably the most honest man around these parts. He couldn't tell a lie if his life depended on it. Hell, back when we was kids, I tried to start some sorta name for him but none of them couldn't hardly roll off the tongue too good. Couldn't hardly come up with something that began with J......... It's your word against his. Anyhow, you were reported to be sayin' *puts on his glasses and holds up a police report* "And I quote. 'I think I'll push her off one of those cliffs you guys have around here.'
Deputy: *pops open a Johnson Beer and takes a sip*
Will: "So you think I came all the way here from Wisconsin just to-"
*The door suddenly opens and a man wearing a suit walks in.*
"Will, do not say another word. Hello Sheriff, my name is John Kipley and I represent William. My client will say no further words at this time. We will discuss this later in court. Will, let's go."
Sheriff: "What in the world are you talkin' about?"
*Will stands up to leave.*
Sheriff: *pulls out his revolver* "Sit down."
John: "Sir, are you threatening my client? I will hold that against you in a court of law."
Sheriff: "Relax. I just need to get a little bit more info."
John: "Sir, the Miranda rights state that you are not allowed to interrogate my client without an attorney present if he so chooses. My client has the right to remain silent."
Deputy: *takes a sip* "Boy, for a lawyer, y'ain't gotta whole lotta knowledge 'boutcha."
John: "What do you mean?"
Sheriff: "There ain't no wordin' that says 'at in any sorta lawbook in all of Pensyltuckee."
Will: "What?!"
Sheriff: "Y'all'er welcome to talk amongst y'allselves afterwards, and of course, there is the court date. Alexis, the wife'll be there standin' testimony to the divorce and whatnot. Y'all'll also have y'all's say then and there. But right now, I'm a goin' to ask Willie here some questions. Plus you said your presence is required and you are currently standin' here, right before right now, so I don't see the issue here."
John: "The whole point of my presence is for consultation."
Deputy: "So you can talk him out of this?"
John: *stares at the deputy* *scowls*
Sheriff: "Anyway...." *looks at the paper* "What've you got to say for yourself, Mr. Gramer?"
Will: "We're just going on a nice camping trip in the backwoods of Pensyltuckee Island. I don't actually want to kill my wife. We have a great marriage and-"
John: "Will, stop talking."
Sheriff: "Okay, you may sit down and shut up. Or else I will have Deputy Dozier arrest you for.... impedin' justice." *turns to the deputy* "That's a thing, right?"
Deputy: "Mmm, yeah." *nods his head* *takes a sip of Johnson Beer*
Sheriff: "Anyway.. You say that, but I called up them courthouse records and apparently, y'all are filin' for divorce on the grounds of you bein' some sorta abusive psychopath. And it looks as if she'd be a gettin' a good chunka stuff after the split. Now what've you gotta say about that?"
*1 week later....*
*A group of prisoners chained together is being led aboard a bus at the Springfield Penitentiary to go break rocks at a Slashville quarry.*
Will: *sighs* *walks aboard the bus*

The latest 10KI Update is posted! It includes updates about recent elections, information about recent cultural events and WA votes, and an interview with recently returning Senator Controlitia!


10000 Islands Emissary Update

Date: May 2020
Population: 2533
Delegate Endorsements: 774
Forum: Linkhttp://10000islands.proboards.com/
Discord: Linkhttps://discord.gg/mw27pug

TITO Command

Has your region been invaded, or do you want to get in touch with TITO? If so, contact one of the following nations:
~Chief Executive: Markanite.
~Field Commander: Kanta Hame.
~Tactical Officers: Shy Guyia, Smugglers and Mercs (EF), Mingulay Isle, THX1138.
~Executive Officers: Aschente, Hakketomat.

Government

As of this reportŪs publication, the Government of 10000 Islands consists of:
~Chief Executive: Markanite
~WA Delegate: Kuriko
~Senior Senator for Blue Canaria North (Emissary Report): Grea Kriopia
~Senator for Lyonnesse East (Houses): The United Royal Islands of Euramathania
~Senator for New Republica South (Debates and Discussions): Controlitia
~Senator for Himes West (RP): Marxist Germany
~Minister of Labor: HumanSanity
~Minister of Immigration: THX1138
~Minister of Education: The Tasmanian Islands

Information about other government officials of 10000 Islands can be found Linkhere.

May Elections

Scheduled elections took place in May for the positions of Senator for New Republica South and Senator for Blue Canaria North.

Controlitia of MSPP defeated Dorab of WIP with 32 votes to 28 to become Senator of New Republica South.

Grea Kriopia of MSPP defeated Shy Guyia, an Independent, with 47 votes to 17 to become Senator of Blue Canaria North

XKI thanks Pelanesomunk and HN67 for the previous service. Congratulations to the winning candidates!

Additional Government Changes

~ Some new faces joined the FA team as Valars was appointed Emissary to Warzone Sandbox and Wille-Harlia was appointed Emissary to Independent Order as XKI opened new embassies with both regions.
~ The Cultural Office continued to grow as HumanSanity hired Klick klack and Free Las Pinas as Cultural Office Assistants.
~ Additionally, Wille-Harlia was hired as Deputy Cartographer General to help out Paffnia with the regional map.
~ Delegate Kuriko and Tuga Nation were both hired as Account Maskers to help with the uptick in forum activity.
~ Xeknos, Vivolkha, Liberdon, and Anisopterra were all hired as a new batch of Official Endorsers to encourage WA members to endorse the Delegate.

Around the Islands

~ In May, XKI broke its all-time population record from 2013, reaching a peak of 3,230 nations! Chief Executive Markanite made it rain free tacos to Islanders in a week-long celebration. Strong thanks to all of our hard-working recruiters who helped out!
~ May's LinkFeatured Nation selected by the Ministry of Education was Thedairos. Relative newcomer Thedairos has been an active TITO member and an overall friendly presence in XKI, congrats Thed!
~ With the spike in population, our Welcome Buddies reached out to nearly 1500 new Islanders in May to help guide new nations through their first NS experiences. Welcome to all of our new nations and fantastic work done by our Welcoming Buddies!
~ Cultural Officer HumanSanity helped XKI join in on The North Pacific's monthly card pull event by contributing a S1 Kozmix and S2 Alkasia to the pull lineup which also included S1 Anime daisuki, S1 Solorni, and S2 Testlandia. No luck for Islanders this time around, but still lots of fun!
~ XKI was invited to the Mafia Universe WW World Championship once again and resident WW expert Aersoldorf stepped up to represent XKI. We wish him the best of luck and will be cheering him on from the stands!
~ At the end of May, the Cultural Office announced the first ever XKI Summer Olympics put together by Olympic Directors HumanSanity and Grea Kriopia, which will host a series of regional events and contests during the month of June. Some events include an issue writing contest, a card farming competition, and a Resistance game. Best of luck to each team and warm thanks to all of our guest judges!

XKI Game-Side

May's regional poll by Woonsocket asked Islanders what they hold near and dear in life.

This monthís RMB posts show what's really on Islander's minds during quarantine...

RMB = Fightclub
*UFO noises*
Quarantine workouts
Hang on a minute...
NS pickup lines
RMB Conspiracies
Horrifying revelations
Healthy eating habits

WA Affairs

May 02, 2020 GA Ban on the Administration of Unwanted Substances: Seeking to prevent the unconsentual administration of substances to protect bodily autonomy.
Author: Morover
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 8 | Against 4
Delegate vote: For (weight 836)
Final WA vote: For 14543 (61.5%) | Against 9120 (38.5%)
Result: Passed May 6, becoming GAR#487

May 04, 2020 SC Commend Almonaster Nuevo: Based on the target's extensive graphic design work, dedication to the NationStates Worlds Fair, and service in the region of Canada.
Author: Makdon
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 17 | Against 0
Delegate vote: For (weight 842)
Final WA vote: For 21925 (90.3%) | Against 2358 (9.7%)
Result: Passed May 8, becoming SCR#304

May 06, 2020 GA Standards for International Road Freight: An effort to harmonize international road freight regulations and requirements in all member states.
Author: The New Sicilian State
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 3 | Against 11 | Abstain 1
Delegate vote: Against (weight 843)
Final WA vote: For 3996 (18%) | Against 18210 (82%)
Result: Failed to pass.

May 08, 2020 SC Condemn Psychotic Dictatorships: Seeking to condemn the target nation (IC) for its disregard of the World Assembly and crimes against humanity.
Author: Morover
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 13 | Against 2
Delegate vote: For (weight 854)
Final WA vote: For 18009 (59%) | Against 3390 (41%)
Result: Passed May 12, becoming SCR#305

May 10, 2020 GA Repeal ďData Protection AccordĒ: An effort to revoke existing legislation on regulating data usage and collection.
Author: United Cats of America
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 0 | Against 13
Delegate vote: Against (weight 866)
Final WA vote: For 3409 (14%) | Against 20886 (86%)
Result: Failed to pass

May 12, 2020 SC Commend Audioslavia: Highlighting the targetís engagement in (IC) international sports leagues and sports journalism.
Author: Electrum
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 11 | Against 0
Delegate vote: For (weight 864)
Final WA vote: For 22372 (93.8%) | Against 1489 (6.2%)
Result: Passed May 16, becoming SCR#306

May 14, 2020 GA Requiring Promulgation of National Laws: An effort to require law promulgation to increase civic awareness.
Author: Sancta Romana Ecclesia
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 11 | Against 3
Delegate vote: For (weight 855)
Final WA vote: For 9420 (41.4%) | Against 13342 (58.6%)
Result: Failed to pass.

May 16, 2020 SC Condemn Auphelia: Seeking to condemn the target for (IC) unchecked crimes against humanity.
Author: Aumeltopia
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 7 | Against 7 | Abstain 1
Delegate vote: Abstain (weight 861)
Final WA vote: For 14537 (66%) | Against 7474 (34%)
Result: Passed May 20, becoming SCR#307

May 18, 2020 GA Repeal ďEnsuring Safe Syringe UseĒ: For the purpose of revoking previous legislation on syringe use standards in health care.
Author: Morover
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 6 | Against 9
Delegate vote: Against (weight: 854)
Final WA vote: For 19244 (83.6%) | Against 3770 (16.4%)
Result: Passed May 22, becoming GAR#488

May 20, 2020 SC Commend Candensia: Highlighting the target's work in issue writing, regional service in The Hole to Hide In, and WA legislation.
Author: Fauxia
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 10 | Against 1
Delegate vote: For (weight 844)
Final WA vote: For 18797 (91.5%) | Against 1755 (8.5%)
Result: Passed May 24, becoming SCR#308

May 22, 2020 GA Ethical Treatment of Animals in Research: Seeking to prevent the infliction of harm on animals in research that requires animal experimentation.
Author: Maowi
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 8 | Against 2
Delegate vote: For (weight 846)
Final WA vote: For 18363 (83.3%) | Against 3675 (16.7%)
Result: Passed May 26, becoming GAR#489

May 26, 2020 GA Military Identification Tag Act: Seeking to boost global security by simplifying military personnel identification.
Author: Alba and Cymru
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 13 | Against 1 | Abstain 1
Delegate vote: For (weight 849)
Final WA vote: For 18296 (85%) | Against 3235 (15%)
Result: Passed May 30, becoming GAR#490

May 27, 2020 SC Commend Vilita and Turori: Seeking to commend the target's (IC) achievements in international sports leagues and work in hosting/creating international sports leagues.
Author: Francois Isidore
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 10 | Against 0 | Abstain 1
Delegate vote: For (weight 842)
Final WA vote: For 18064 (90.9%) | Against 1818 (9.1%)
Result: Passed May 31, becoming SCR#309

May 30, 2020 GA Restrictions on Blood Sports: An effort to promote moral decency through regulating blood sports in terms of safety.
Author: Honeydewistania
10000 Islands discussion on this resolution: LinkLink
Regional vote: For 4 | Against 10
Delegate vote: Against (weight 826)
Final WA vote: For 8972 (43.7%) | Against 11554 (56.3%)
Result: Failed to pass

Meet A Nation Interview

In this edition, we have the distinct pleasure to sit down and talk with an Islander who has been with us for a long time but only recently returned from a few years absence. Controlitia has in the past served in TITO Command and on the Council of Nine and currently serves as the newly elected Senator for New Republica South and as a TITO Knight.

GK: To start things off, do you have an earliest memory of XKI? If not, do you remember how you joined NS/XKI?

Control: I donít really have a concrete earliest memory, but I do remember how I joined both NS and XKI. I joined NS because I came across Lexicon in a public library and liked it. When I looked into Max Barry more, I found out about NationStates. I played it for a bit and then started to get bored with just the one nation (Fosfjapias, named by keysmashing) and created a couple puppets to try for specific government types. One of those puppets got a recruiting telegram from Markanite that included some information about TITO, so I sent that puppet to XKI to join in and all of a sudden it was my main.

GK: So what made you decide to come back to NS after being away for a few years?

Control: I thought about checking in on XKI after years away due to the pandemic, but I rejoined because I wasnít in college anymore. One of the main reasons that I CTEíd was that I was busy with schoolwork and clubs and such and didnít have much time for NationStates. I was also usually in class at minor and doing homework or hanging out with friends at major, so I didnít even have TITO to drive involvement. Now that I work a desk job, I can be around a lot more.

GK: Can you talk about some of the major changes you've noticed in XKI since returning?

Control: One thing that struck me was that politics have gotten more active. In my experience, XKI politics were broadly run along the lines of ďif it ainít broke, donít fix itĒ and people didnít really look to change much. Politics are much more active today and people are actively looking for things that we can improve and innovate on. You can also see a change in tone from the comments in my yaffice; itíd be a lot harder to see Barry going around and pretending to bribe senators today. Itís also odd to be in an XKI without Grub.

GK: And what about things that haven't changed? Do you feel like there are some aspects of XKI that have pretty much stayed the same?

Control: I feel like Taco Island has not changed much. Still spammy, still fun. XKI as a whole is as welcoming and laid back as ever. I donít feel like TITO has changed all that much either, which works for me 😉

GK: I have to ask, with your extensive past work in TITO as a Knight and former member of Command, how does it feel to be back in action?

Control: Itís good to be back in the saddle and working to protect the people of NationStates from unconscionable griefing.

GK: And do you have any sage words of wisdom as an experienced player to newer nations?

Control: NationStates is what you make of it, so get involved but donít overcommit. Itíll be boring if you let it be boring, itíll be overwhelming if you get overinvolved. Find your sweet spot and itís a great game.

GK: Lastly, can you describe XKI in a single word?

Control: Welcoming.

Until next month, your 10KI Update Staff is signing off - Grea Kriopia
Read dispatch

Pensyltuckee Island wrote:*Meanwhile, in Whippoorwill County, Pensyltuckee Island.......*
Deputy: *sitting with his feet up on the desk* *throwing darts at a dartboard on the wall*
*The door flies open and the sheriff walks in with a handcuffed man.*
Will: "Uncuff me immediately!! My lawyer is coming! He should've gotten off the plane half an hour ago!!"
Sheriff: "Hold your horses, I ain't even started with you."
Will: "I've done nothing wrong!!"
Sheriff: *gingerly sets the man down in a chair* *sits down across the table from him* "Well, I received word from those 2 fellers you were talkin' with at the bar yesterday. You got a little bit intoxicated and apparently said sumem about killin' your wife while y'all were out in the woods campin' and makin' it look like some sorta accident. One of them fellers is Jesse James Junior. Now Jesses James Junior is probably the most honest man around these parts. He couldn't tell a lie if his life depended on it. Hell, back when we was kids, I tried to start some sorta name for him but none of them couldn't hardly roll off the tongue too good. Couldn't hardly come up with something that began with J......... It's your word against his. Anyhow, you were reported to be sayin' *puts on his glasses and holds up a police report* "And I quote. 'I think I'll push her off one of those cliffs you guys have around here.'
Deputy: *pops open a Johnson Beer and takes a sip*
Will: "So you think I came all the way here from Wisconsin just to-"
*The door suddenly opens and a man wearing a suit walks in.*
"Will, do not say another word. Hello Sheriff, my name is John Kipley and I represent William. My client will say no further words at this time. We will discuss this later in court. Will, let's go."
Sheriff: "What in the world are you talkin' about?"
*Will stands up to leave.*
Sheriff: *pulls out his revolver* "Sit down."
John: "Sir, are you threatening my client? I will hold that against you in a court of law."
Sheriff: "Relax. I just need to get a little bit more info."
John: "Sir, the Miranda rights state that you are not allowed to interrogate my client without an attorney present if he so chooses. My client has the right to remain silent."
Deputy: *takes a sip* "Boy, for a lawyer, y'ain't gotta whole lotta knowledge 'boutcha."
John: "What do you mean?"
Sheriff: "There ain't no wordin' that says 'at in any sorta lawbook in all of Pensyltuckee."
Will: "What?!"
Sheriff: "Y'all'er welcome to talk amongst y'allselves afterwards, and of course, there is the court date. Alexis, the wife'll be there standin' testimony to the divorce and whatnot. Y'all'll also have y'all's say then and there. But right now, I'm a goin' to ask Willie here some questions. Plus you said your presence is required and you are currently standin' here, right before right now, so I don't see the issue here."
John: "The whole point of my presence is for consultation."
Deputy: "So you can talk him out of this?"
John: *stares at the deputy* *scowls*
Sheriff: "Anyway...." *looks at the paper* "What've you got to say for yourself, Mr. Gramer?"
Will: "We're just going on a nice camping trip in the backwoods of Pensyltuckee Island. I don't actually want to kill my wife. We have a great marriage and-"
John: "Will, stop talking."
Sheriff: "Okay, you may sit down and shut up. Or else I will have Deputy Dozier arrest you for.... impedin' justice." *turns to the deputy* "That's a thing, right?"
Deputy: "Mmm, yeah." *nods his head* *takes a sip of Johnson Beer*
Sheriff: "Anyway.. You say that, but I called up them courthouse records and apparently, y'all are filin' for divorce on the grounds of you bein' some sorta abusive psychopath. And it looks as if she'd be a gettin' a good chunka stuff after the split. Now what've you gotta say about that?"
*1 week later....*
*A group of prisoners chained together is being led aboard a bus at the Springfield Penitentiary to go break rocks at a Slashville quarry.*
Will: *sighs* *walks aboard the bus*

You are still doing them, huh? :P

*Meanwhile, at a Hop-In, Hop-Out in Pen City that also functions as a restaurant.....*
*A foodie from some foreign nation walks in.*
Cashier: *takes a sip of Johnson* *glances up* "What can I do for ya, miss?"
Woman: "I want to try some classic Pensyltuckian cuisine."
Cashier: "Alrighty, set yourself down at one of them tables over there. Make yourself comfortable." *puts in a dip* *turns towards the back* "Martha! You got somebody waitin' for ya!"
Martha: *walks out of the back area* "Oh!" *walks over to the table* "What can I getcha?"
Woman: "Do you guys have a menu?"
Martha: "Not any official ones, no. But we all got all the typical fixins you'd expect."
Woman: "Right now, I'm just going around the world to every country trying a little bit of everything and exploring. So I honestly don't know what to expect. I have heard that you guys have some good cuisine here in this country though."
Martha: "Oh, that's interesting. So do you just want me to wrangle up a plate fulla sumem?"
Woman: "That would be good, thanks."
Martha: "Anything to drink with that?"
Woman: "I've heard of a drink here called Buck Cola. Do you have that?"
Martha: "Of course. Will that be all?"
Woman: "Yes."
Martha: "Alrighty, I'll get right to it. It'll just be a few minutes." *walks towards the back*
*A few minutes later....*
Martha: *sets a plate with fried okra, a pulled BBQ sandwich, & a large piece of cornbread and a glass of Buck Cola down* "Enjoy!" *starts to walk away, but quickly turns around* "Wouldja like some fried crappie? It's on the house."
Woman: "Crappie?"
Martha: "Fish."
Woman: "Oh, sure."
*About 20 minutes later...*
*The plate and glass are empty.*
Martha: *walks over* "Will that be all?"
Woman: "Oh, yes."
Martha: "Alrighty, Randall'll getcha at the register." *starts clearing the table* "How'd you enjoy your meal?"
Woman: "Pretty good. Really hits the spot. Very filling. Fish was amazing. What was it called again, crappie? That barbeque beef sandwich was especially good."
Martha: "Oh, honey, that ain't beef."
Woman: "Really? It tasted like beef. What is it then?"
Martha: "That's some beaver Randall trapped the other day."
Woman: "Oh......."

Jute wrote:You are still doing them, huh? :P

When I'm bored and've got time.

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