by Max Barry

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«12. . .1819202122»

The government spends more on chasing distant comets than on basic infrastructure, commuters are denied boarding for attempting to bring packed lunches onto trains, nuclear reactors are held together with party string and Hubba Bubba, and Maxtopian villagers starve by the time Corporate Amerikan officials even file the appropriate paperwork needed to help them.

Taxpayers receive expenditure reports from the Grand High Poobah of the Order of Violet, Harry Potter conventions are closely watched by the government for any signs of 'dueling', flatulent people are left to die of cancer at the end of hospital waiting lists, and war vets look after war animals.

In life full of care there is no time to stop and stare, mandatory updates on software drivers often bring life to a halt, devotion to God is only skin-deep, and scenic beaches are now protected by massive concrete walls.

Amerikan Trumpites has been recently classified as an international menace after 'liberating' several nearby territories, urban graffiti is hand-calligraphed in perfectly kerned elegant fonts, nuclear warheads are frequently launched into space as a warning to invading meteoroids, and colonial citizens are forced to sing the praise of the "Great Corporate Amerikan Liberator".

Travelers often bring empty plastic bottles on Air Amerikan Trumpites flights to avoid the pay lavatories, murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour, metal detectors at school gates make sure that teenagers are carrying at least one sidearm, and anti-vaxxers are right about the government injecting diseases into people.

Tourists are denied entry because of a distant relative married to a Lilliputian, any girl that shows an interest in Lego is pressured to study engineering, virtually all of the country's economic activity takes place in International Contract Agency, cotton candy made from genuine cotton cellulose doesn't quite satisfy, and the government is paving paradises to put up parking lots.

Petitioners are increasingly resorting to climbing through Vladimir Clinton's window to draw attention to their issues, jaywalking is punishable by public flogging, government bureaucrats shut down teenage yard-raking businesses for being counter-revolutionary, and Animal Liberationists are regularly arrested.

Red Cross demand for body bags is rising while sutures go unused, construction of the Really Big Hadron Collider is underway, the nation's government buildings are remarkable for being ugly concrete boxes, and vacationing Corporate Amerikans expect to be treated as royalty.

All Corporate Amerikans live like kings, foreign lack of enthusiasm for Corporate Amerikan nose-flute disco metal is seen as a reasonable casus belli, the deceased are buried mostly to hide them from state-sanctioned corpse-collectors, and the "war on terror" doesn't seem to be making Corporate Amerikans any less frightened.

Laser-wielding robots are taking aim at human hearts, dark net forums trade the encryption keys to immortality, glamping Corporate Amerikans won't sleep in a tent that doesn't include a Jacuzzi, the military perceives nations hit by natural disasters as "easy pickings", and theatre may or may not be changing for the better but it is being changed for good.

Blueriver mercenaries routinely do the army's dirty work, promising seven years of bad luck leads to seven years of community service, blue sky thinkers are reminded that the firmament is actually more of a grey-ish colour, and Amerikan Trumpites's soft-touch approach to diplomacy has made it known as the 'push-over' of the region.

Vladimir Clinton's Dreadnought-class tankbuster limousine is said to have more ammunition than the entire Brancalandian Army, police officers have nearly cracked a major underage astronomy syndicate, garbage bags floating down the river are churned up by man-made rapids, and older ladies are inundated with offers to help them cross the road.

*a spring breeze blows in gently~ 🌸As some cherry blossom petals settle on the ground the visitor speaks*

Greetings dear friends and allies, I hope you all had a good weekend!!😄Just dropping by to check in and say hello, hope all the nations and pinocchios* are doing well. We'll be ramping up things in our region soon so don't hesitate to drop by sometime!
Currently our diplomatic survey on Which pie is the most popular in your country? will finish this week so be sure to register your vote by then! 😋
🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧
In the meantime, please stay safe and healthy wherever you are! 😷

Warm Regards,

Carl Barks🦆

P.s Pinocchio is Lewisham slang for 'puppets'

The law says that all Corporate Amerikans are created equal no matter how they were created, foreign students are expected to have a Kegmeister Grade Average of 36-24-36 to qualify for university, preschools put children down for naps with milk, cookies, and a gruesome story of vengeance, and high-tech infantry rifles automatically reload when the soldier shoots outside the screen of their helmet HUD.

Paperino wrote:*a spring breeze blows in gently~ 🌸As some cherry blossom petals settle on the ground the visitor speaks*

Greetings dear friends and allies, I hope you all had a good weekend!!😄Just dropping by to check in and say hello, hope all the nations and pinocchios* are doing well. We'll be ramping up things in our region soon so don't hesitate to drop by sometime!
Currently our diplomatic survey on Which pie is the most popular in your country? will finish this week so be sure to register your vote by then! 😋
🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧
In the meantime, please stay safe and healthy wherever you are! 😷

Warm Regards,

Carl Barks🦆

P.s Pinocchio is Lewisham slang for 'puppets'

Many thanks.

Passwords to nuclear codes must now contain upper and lower case characters, the local custom of Biking With The Cars sends tourists home bemused or in body-bags, napalm is the tool of choice for disabling eco-unfriendly forestry operations, and access to the woods is only granted to those who bring a small shrubbery.

Tourists flock to see the giant stone carvings of historical leaders at Mount Rushless, biology and religious education classes have recently been merged, graffiti artists spend lengthy periods of time in jail, and Maxtopian slaves are routinely sold as an optional extra for household appliances.

Doctors prescribe medicines but they rarely dispense hope or compassion, nations that kill a Corporate Amerikan can expect a strongly worded letter, it's a marvellous night for a moon dance as the sparks on your home start to rise, and children have lost interest in toy guns in favor of toy meth lab kits.

A Penguia Tourist Association survey has rated Amerikan Trumpites #1 for number twos, allergy-sufferers must wear gas masks before venturing outdoors, the nation's faithful often say there is a higher power watching over them, and rumour has it Vladimir Clinton needs a calculator to multiply ten by ten.

Imitation is the sincerest form of felony, the environment is gorgeous so long as you're looking up, new "Worker's Strike" laws set out who is allowed to strike a worker, and fake designer clothes are shredded and burnt while many in the world don't have a shirt on their back.

The nation has recently been attributed to the funding of terrorist organisations, moonshine has made a resurgence, Amerikan Trumpites isn't what it used to be, and invasive species are hunted by the gendarmerie.

Children are often punished for the sins of the fathers, exceptionally talented workers are praised more than Revolutionary heroes, excited shovel-bearing geeks wander the countryside, and artists regularly face criminal charges and art-burning parties are common.

Strange looking men with big red noses are found hiding behind bushes and inside dustbins, aggressive promotion of global warming puts polar bears on thin ice, understaffed slavers offer highballs when asked to 'pass the screwdriver' during household maintenance, and the well-to-do in Penguia are never on time for important appointments.

One-man canoes fitted with the latest tracking technology leave no room for one man, cults that offer eternal life after death to those who follow a self-sacrificing saviour are frowned upon, Corporate Amerikan novella fans become unusually flustered when thinking about Vladimir Clinton, and the last thing Corporate Amerikan soldiers hear before charging into battle is a preacher trying to convert them.

Major cities are suffering under water rationing, tourists are duped into trimming hedges for the horsy-set, there has been a series of riots between local cannibals and health food advocates, and the words 'private' and 'enterprise' must never appear in the same sentence.

Priests are being drafted by the church load, Jack Russells have proven to be terrible spies, buses are widely regarded as the safest way to travel, and the people's love for Vladimir Clinton is little more than self-preservation.

«12. . .1819202122»

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